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Chris Pratt went from being the lovable, slightly clueless Andy Dwyer to a dinosaur wrangler in "Jurassic World." I can barely handle my pet goldfish without feeling like a paleontologist, yelling, "Hold on, Nemo, I'm conducting important scientific research!
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Chris Pratt is in peak physical condition, and I admire that. I tried doing one push-up the other day, and my body was like, "Are you sure you didn't mean to say 'push your luck' instead?
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Chris Pratt's life is like a Disney movie. He went from being the goofy sidekick to the leading man. Meanwhile, my life feels more like a series of deleted scenes that never made it to the bonus features.
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Chris Pratt is known for his humor, and I appreciate that. If I tried his style of humor, my friends would probably look at me and say, "Are you okay? Did you accidentally swallow a joke book?
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Chris Pratt got in trouble once for saying he likes to eat his snacks in the shower. Now, I don't know about you, but I can't even successfully drink water in the shower without feeling like I'm participating in some extreme water sport.
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You ever notice how Chris Pratt's career trajectory is basically the dream of every forgotten salad in the back of our fridges? One day it's just a bunch of leaves hanging out, and the next, it's the superhero of the meal.
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Chris Pratt has this incredible ability to go from "adorable goofball" to "action star" in the blink of an eye. I can't even switch from my sweatpants to jeans that fast without pulling a muscle. Maybe Pratt should host a masterclass in changing your life quicker than it takes to microwave popcorn.
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Have you noticed that Chris Pratt has this infectious optimism? I mean, the man could probably find joy in a traffic jam. Meanwhile, I'm in my car, stressing out, thinking, "Well, here's another opportunity to practice my deep breathing exercises.
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Chris Pratt has a farm where he raises lambs. I can't even keep a houseplant alive. Maybe I should start with something less demanding, like a pet rock. At least that way, if it dies, I won't feel as responsible.
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