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You know you're at a wild party when the cards girl starts dealing out Uno cards like it's a high-stakes casino. Suddenly, "Draw Four" feels more like "Draw Blood.
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The cards girl is like a human card catalog. She remembers every card game, every rule, and every time you lost to her. It's like having a walking, talking, and card-shuffling encyclopedia at every party.
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The cards girl is always the one who suggests playing strip poker. I'm like, "I'm just here for a friendly game, not to give my grandma a heart attack when she walks in unexpectedly.
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The cards girl is the only person I know who can turn a game of solitaire into a full-blown spectator sport. "Oh, he's flipping a card! The tension is unbearable!
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I tried teaching my dog to fetch cards once, thinking it could be a fun trick. Now, every time we have people over, he thinks it's game night and starts rummaging through my wallet for credit cards. Thanks, cards girl, for turning my dog into a petty thief.
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Have you ever tried playing a card game with someone who takes it way too seriously? I played poker with the cards girl once, and when I won, she accused me of having a secret alliance with the deck. I didn't know cards were capable of holding grudges!
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You ever notice how every group has that one person who insists on bringing a deck of cards to every social gathering? I call them the "cards girl." They're like, "Oh, you guys are having a conversation? How about we play a game of Go Fish in the middle of it?
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I asked the cards girl for her favorite card game, and she said, "Life." I was expecting something like poker or blackjack, but no, apparently, the most intense card game is the one we're all playing every day.
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You ever notice how the cards girl is always the first one to suggest playing a drinking game? It's like, "Sure, let's mix alcohol with a game that requires strategy and precision. What could possibly go wrong?
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