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Can we talk about how alarm clocks are basically morning roosters for the modern age? Instead of cock-a-doodle-doo, it's more like "beep-beep-beep," followed by an existential crisis about adulting.
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You ever notice how the bundle of plastic bags under your sink multiplies faster than rabbits? I mean, I only remember bringing home groceries once, not starting a plastic bag breeding program.
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You know you're an adult when getting an email with the subject "Important Information" only fills you with a sense of dread instead of excitement. Spoiler alert: It's usually just a newsletter you accidentally subscribed to.
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Grocery shopping is the only place where I'm torn between wanting to use the self-checkout for speed and fearing I'll set off the "Unexpected item in the bagging area" alarm, making everyone in the store stare at me like I just tried to rob the place with a baguette.
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Why is it that whenever you're looking for a pen, all you can find are the ones that have run out of ink? It's like they heard you coming and decided to play dead.
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My fridge is like a time capsule of good intentions. I buy all these healthy ingredients, put them in there, and then order a pizza because cooking suddenly feels like too much commitment.
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It's fascinating how we can spend hours choosing the perfect filter for a photo, yet when it comes to choosing a password, we just go with the same one we've been using since high school. "Password123? Yeah, that'll do.
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The most ambitious crossover event in history is when you're on a video call and you try to take a sip of coffee without everyone realizing you're secretly a clumsy ninja. Suddenly, you're executing the most delicate and silent sip in the history of beverages.
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Has anyone else noticed that the faster you walk on a sidewalk, the more invisible you become to pigeons? It's like they have a speed threshold for caring about your existence.
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