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I love the confidence people have in their online bios. "World traveler," they say. Meanwhile, my most adventurous trip this month was to the grocery store, and I almost got lost in the cereal aisle.
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My bio on Instagram says "aspiring adult." You know, because adulting is this mythical skill that we're all supposedly learning, but honestly, I feel like I'm just winging it most of the time. Is there a diploma for successfully microwaving dinner?
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You know you're an adult when your Instagram bio goes from "living my best life" to "surviving Monday." It's like, congratulations, you've officially upgraded from the dreamer's club to the "please let the weekend come back" association.
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Ever notice how people post pictures of their salads on Instagram like it's a work of art? I mean, come on, Karen, it's just lettuce and a few cherry tomatoes – you're not creating the next Mona Lisa. We get it, you eat green stuff.
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I was scrolling through Instagram the other day, and I came across a bio that said, "Life enthusiast." Now, call me old-fashioned, but I remember a time when we were just called "alive." When did breathing become a hobby?
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Has anyone else noticed that the more inspirational quotes someone posts on Instagram, the messier their room is in the background of their photos? It's like they've got their life together in their captions, but their bedroom is having a constant identity crisis.
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I love how everyone on Instagram becomes an expert photographer when they're on vacation. Suddenly, they're capturing breathtaking landscapes and sunsets that make you question your life choices. Meanwhile, I can't even take a decent selfie without accidentally including my thumb.
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You ever read someone's Instagram bio, and it's like a novel – filled with aspirations, dreams, and a list of accomplishments? Meanwhile, my bio just says, "Professional over-thinker and occasional pancake flipper." Because sometimes you've got to celebrate the small victories in life, even if it's just successfully flipping a pancake without it landing on the ceiling.
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You ever look at your old photos on Instagram and realize you used to be a lot more interesting? I mean, now it's just pictures of coffee cups and my cat. It's like my life went from action-packed blockbuster to a slow-paced documentary about the art of napping.
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You ever notice how everyone becomes a gourmet chef on Instagram? I mean, in real life, I'm struggling to make a decent sandwich, but online, suddenly I'm presenting a five-course meal with a side of culinary expertise. It's like my kitchen turns into a Michelin-starred restaurant the moment I hit that "post" button.
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