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Joke Types
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Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! Banned for saucy behavior!
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Why did the computer get banned from the dance party? It kept breaking up!
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I got banned from the fruit market. Apparently, I couldn't find my way out of a jam!
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Why did the scarecrow get banned from the cornfield? He was outstanding in his field!
Banned Pet Peeves
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My biggest pet peeve is when people say, I don't want to be a grammar Nazi, but... Well, congratulations, you just became a member of the grammar Gestapo. Now we have to ban you from English conversations until you've completed your sensitivity training.
Banned Social Media Realizations
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You know you've been on social media too much when you start wondering, What if they banned selfies? Would people forget what they look like? I mean, half the time, I see someone's selfie, and I'm like, Wait, is that you or the filter talking? If they ever ban filters, we're all in trouble.
Banned Travel Adventures
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I tried to plan a trip recently, and everywhere I looked, there were travel advisories and banned destinations. I felt like I was playing a game of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, and Where Can I Actually Go Without a Visa? Spoiler alert: Carmen is banned pretty much everywhere.
Banned Words Anonymous
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I joined a support group for people who've used banned words. It's like a secret society, but with less mystique and more shame. We sit in a circle and confess our linguistic sins. Hi, I'm Dave, and I accidentally used 'moist' in a conversation. The group collectively gasps. It's like rehab for the English language.
Banned Technology Woes
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My smartphone is like a rebellious teenager. Every time I turn around, it's trying to sneak in some forbidden apps. I'm just waiting for my phone to look at me one day and say, I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that. And then I'll have to explain to my phone that 2001: A Space Odyssey is not a manual for proper smartphone behavior.
Banned from the Kitchen
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I tried to cook a fancy meal the other day, and the recipe said, Add a pinch of banned substance. I was like, What's next, a dash of anarchy? I ended up making a dish so rebellious, Gordon Ramsay would have called it a culinary revolution. I think it was the cumin that really pushed it over the edge.
Banned Foods, A Love Story
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I tried this new diet where I only eat foods that are banned somewhere in the world. You know you've hit rock bottom when your grocery list is basically a blacklist. But hey, if it's forbidden, it's delicious! I'm just waiting for the day they ban kale. That's when I'll finally be in shape – mentally preparing for the ban.
Banned from the Future
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I'm convinced time travel is banned in the future. Think about it – if it were allowed, wouldn't we have visitors from the future popping up all the time? Instead, the closest thing we have to time travel is hitting delete on a regrettable email. So, if you're from the future, give us a sign. Just not a banned one.
Banned Fashion Trends
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Fashion trends are like the popular kids in school – one day they're in, and the next day they're banned from the runway. I can't keep up. I bought bell-bottoms last week, and this week they're considered a hazardous material. If fashion trends were stable, I'd probably still be rocking a loincloth.
Banned and Confused
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You ever notice how there are so many things that are banned these days? I mean, I can't keep up! They ban things faster than I can download a software update. I feel like my life is just a series of Sorry, this is no longer allowed notifications. I'm waiting for the day they ban boredom because, let's face it, it's been a pandemic in my life for years.
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