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Late-Night Infomercial Host
Trying to sell bizarre products on a late-night show
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I saw Alex Jones promoting a new line of bottled water that claims to wake you up and open your third eye. I tried it, and now I'm just hoping my water cooler doesn't start lecturing me about lizard people.
Alien Abductee
Dealing with the aftermath of an alien encounter
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After being abducted, I found out the aliens had subscribed to Alex Jones' newsletter. Now I'm stuck explaining to extraterrestrials why chemtrails aren't a major concern on Earth.
Stand-up Comedian
Incorporating conspiracy theories into a comedy routine
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I attempted an Alex Jones impersonation on stage, but the audience thought I was auditioning for the lead role in "Conspiracy: The Musical." Now I'm just waiting for Broadway to call.
Radio DJ
Hosting a wild and unpredictable radio show
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I heard Alex Jones tried to start a morning show, but it got canceled because every episode began with him screaming, "Good morning, America! Wake up, the globalists are coming for your coffee!
Conspiracy Theorist Support Group Leader
Managing a group of enthusiastic conspiracy theorists
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I heard Alex Jones is running a group therapy session for conspiracy theorists. The first rule of the group is, you're not allowed to wear aluminum foil hats unless they're properly accessorized with rhinestones.
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