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You know, Halloween is the only day of the year where you can ring someone's doorbell, dressed like a zombie, and instead of calling the cops, they give you candy. I mean, imagine trying that on any other day. "Trick-or-treat!" "Sir, this is a Tuesday, and you're scaring my cat!
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Halloween is the only time it's socially acceptable for your neighbor to sneak up on you wearing a werewolf mask and scare the living daylights out of you. "Oh, hey, Dave, I didn't recognize you with the fur and fangs. You really committed to the character!
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You know you're getting older when your idea of a spooky Halloween night is binge-watching scary movies with a bowl of popcorn, and the scariest part is realizing you forgot to turn off the porch light for trick-or-treaters.
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Halloween is the only time of year when the phrase "trick or treat" is a legitimate threat. "Give me candy, or I'll toilet paper your trees and egg your house!" Kids these days, negotiating their way to a sugar rush.
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Halloween is that one magical time when you can transform into a superhero, a witch, or even a roll of toilet paper without anyone questioning your life choices. "Oh, Bob decided to be a mummy this year, I guess his career as an accountant wasn't fulfilling enough.
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You know you're an adult when the scariest part of Halloween is the realization that you have to buy candy for the neighborhood kids, but deep down, you're secretly hoping they don't come, so you can eat it all yourself.
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Have you ever noticed that on Halloween, everyone becomes a temporary architect, trying to figure out the most efficient way to carve a pumpkin? "No, no, honey, we can't do a traditional face this year; let's try a Picasso-inspired pumpkin design.
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Have you noticed how the day after Halloween, every parent becomes a candy quality control expert? "Sorry, Timmy, we need to inspect your candy for any signs of tampering. And by 'inspect,' I mean I'm looking for the good stuff to confiscate for myself.
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Halloween costumes are a lot like New Year's resolutions. You spend weeks planning them, but by the end of the night, you're just happy if they're still intact and you didn't embarrass yourself too much.
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