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Joke Types
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I asked a witch for a date, but she said she was busy broom-ing around. Guess I got swept off my feet!
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Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid they'll relax and unwind!
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Why was the jack-o'-lantern such a great athlete? It had a great squash game!
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Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker? He was outstanding in his field!
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Why did the ghost go to the Halloween party? He heard it was going to be a boo-last!
Ghosting: Halloween Edition
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You ever notice that ghosts are basically the original masters of ghosting? I mean, they've been doing it for centuries. If I had those skills, I'd be able to avoid awkward social situations and family gatherings like a pro. Oh, sorry, can't make it to Thanksgiving this year, I've got some ectoplasmic duties to attend to.
Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness
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They say you should always be prepared for a zombie apocalypse, but let's be real – if it happens during flu season, we're all in trouble. How are you supposed to differentiate between a zombie and someone with a really bad cold? Is that guy coming to eat my brains, or does he just need a tissue?
Witchcraft and WiFi
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You know witches have come a long way when you see them riding broomsticks with Bluetooth headsets. I guess even witches need hands-free options. Hey, Siri, cast a spell to find the nearest Starbucks.
Pumpkin Spice Overdose
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I went to a coffee shop the other day, and they had pumpkin spice everything – lattes, muffins, even pumpkin spice kale chips. I mean, how far are we going to take this pumpkin spice obsession? I wouldn't be surprised if I walked into a gas station and found pumpkin spice gasoline. Yeah, I'll take a full tank of that autumn aroma, please.
The Horror of Costume Choices
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Picking a Halloween costume is always a struggle. You've got the classic ghosts and witches, but then you see those creative parents who turn their kids into elaborate sushi rolls or walking emojis. I'm over here just trying to avoid anything that requires too much makeup because, let's face it, my face painting skills end up making me look like a Picasso painting on a bad day.
Candy Corn Controversy
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Candy corn is like the pineapple on pizza of the Halloween candy world. Some people love it, some people hate it, and there's always that one person who thinks it's a good idea to hand out toothbrushes instead. Newsflash, dentist neighbor, nobody wants oral hygiene products on Halloween. We're here for the sugar rush, not a lecture on dental care.
Trick-or-Treat Tactics
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You know, trick-or-treating is a lot like negotiating a business deal. You've got to have a strategy. Some kids go for the full charm offensive, flashing their adorable smiles. Meanwhile, others take the direct approach, threatening a trick if they don't get the treats. It's like a mini United Nations session in every neighborhood.
Costume Sizes and Candy Calories
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Trying on a Halloween costume is a lot like checking the nutritional information on candy. You're optimistic at first, thinking you'll fit into that size small costume, just like you think those mini candies won't add up. But reality hits hard, and suddenly you're stuck in a candy-induced sugar coma, dressed as a pumpkin that's two sizes too small. Trick or treat, indeed!
A Halloween Haunting
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You ever notice how Halloween is the only time of year when you encourage your kids to take candy from strangers? I mean, normally we're telling them not to talk to strangers, but on Halloween, it's like, Go ahead, little Timmy, knock on that spooky door and ask for candy. What could possibly go wrong?
Haunted House or In-Laws' House?
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I recently went to a haunted house, and I gotta say, it's a lot like visiting your in-laws. You're scared, you don't know what's waiting for you around each corner, and there's always that one relative who jumps out unexpectedly, giving you a heart attack. The only difference is, at the haunted house, you don't have to pretend you're having a good time.
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