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Why did the computer file for a restraining order against Facebook? It couldn't handle the constant poking!
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Why did the scarecrow join Facebook? He wanted to make some 'corny' connections!
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Why did the Facebook user go to therapy? Too many 'unresolved issues' in their newsfeed!
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Why did the computer start a Facebook account? It wanted to join the 'web' of social connections!
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Why did the Facebook user become a gardener? He wanted to plant 'seeds' of friendship!
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Why did the Facebook user bring a ladder? To reach the next level of scrolling!
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Why did the Facebook chef make so many friends? Because he knew the secret recipe for a good post!
Facebook, the only place where my mom's 'Like' feels more like judgment than support.
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You ever notice how posting on Facebook is like inviting your entire extended family into your living room? It's like, Hey, come on in, judge my life choices while you're at it. Oh, and don't forget to hit that 'Like' button if you want to show minimal approval without actually engaging in conversation.
I love how Facebook turned us all into accidental private investigators.
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You know you've done it. You start innocently scrolling through someone's profile, and suddenly, you're seven years deep into their vacation photos, trying to figure out if that one person they're hugging is a long-lost sibling or just a really close friend. It's like, congratulations, you're now a certified Facebook detective.
You know you're an adult when your Facebook feed goes from party pics to pictures of your friend's new lawn mower.
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It's like, Hey, check out my new weed whacker, guys! Look at that trim, precision landscaping. If only my social life were as well-manicured as my lawn.
I love how Facebook's 'Memory' feature is a gentle reminder that I used to be fun.
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You see those pictures of wild nights out and spontaneous adventures, and then you look at your current self in sweatpants binge-watching Netflix, and you think, Ah, the good ol' days, when my biggest worry was choosing the right Instagram filter, not the existential dread of adulthood.
Facebook is the only place where I've mastered the art of 'Happy Birthday' copy-pasting.
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I mean, let's be honest, after the tenth birthday notification of the day, my creativity is as depleted as my energy. Happy birthday! Wishing you a day as fantastic as your profile picture suggests. Cheers!
I'm convinced Facebook's 'People You May Know' feature is just a way to remind me of every bad decision I've ever made.
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Seriously, every time I see that list, it's like a highlight reel of regret. It's not 'people I may know'; it's more like 'people I thought I'd never have to see again, but thanks for the reminder, Facebook.
Facebook's relationship status updates should come with a 'Spoiler Alert' warning.
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You see someone change their status to 'In a Relationship,' and you're on the edge of your seat, waiting for the season finale. Will they make it through the drama, or is this just a mid-season plot twist? Stay tuned, folks.
Facebook: Where arguments are born, and friendships go to die.
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You ever get into a heated political debate in the comments section and suddenly realize you're arguing with someone you haven't seen since high school? It's like, Hey, long time no see! By the way, your opinion is garbage, and so is your taste in music.
Facebook's 'On This Day' feature is just a daily reminder of questionable fashion choices and questionable life decisions.
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Oh, thanks, Facebook, for reminding me that eight years ago, I thought frosted tips were a good idea. I look at those old photos and think, Who was that guy, and why did he think cargo shorts were acceptable anywhere outside of a camping trip?
Facebook events are like modern-day silent auctions - you click 'Interested,' and then silently pray for a reason to bail.
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It's like, Sure, I'm interested in your potluck dinner party, but let's be real, I'm probably going to end up with a bag of chips and a store-bought dip. No offense, Susan, but I can't risk another encounter with your homemade lasagna.
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