bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
So, I'm at the grocery store the other day, trying to navigate the self-checkout, and my ghost writer drops this note, "pontius." Now, I don't know if you've ever tried to scan an item and had the machine go all "unexpected item in the bagging area," but add a ghostly presence, and it's a whole new level. I'm there, struggling with my groceries, and I can almost hear Pontius in the background, "You think this is a trial? Try condemning a guy to death for turning water into wine!"
And you know how the machine always tells you to place the item in the bagging area? I half expect Pontius to be like, "I told a whole crowd to crucify a man, and you can't even bag your own bananas correctly?"
I'm just waiting for the day the self-checkout machine dispenses holy water instead of receipts. "Congratulations, you've been blessed by Pontius. Have a divine day!
0
0
So, I'm driving, and my GPS is acting up. It starts giving me directions like, "In 500 feet, turn left. Also, Pontius says hi." Now, I don't know about you, but I didn't sign up for ghostly guidance on my road trip. I can just imagine Pontius backseat driving, judging every turn. "Oh, you missed the exit? I once missed the chance to release a guy named Barabbas instead of Jesus. Talk about a wrong turn!"
And if you take a wrong route, he's probably like, "I've seen better navigation from the three wise men following a star."
I'm just waiting for the day when the GPS says, "You have arrived at your destination. Pontius is not impressed.
0
0
Ladies and gentlemen, have you ever had a ghostly encounter? No, not the Casper-friendly type, but a ghost with a bit of historical baggage. So, my ghost writer hands me this note, "pontius." Now, I don't know about you, but when I hear "Pontius," I'm thinking of Pilate, the guy who washed his hands of the whole Jesus crucifixion thing. That Pontius. I'm just picturing this ghost hanging around, haunting people and giving them the eternal eye roll. "Oh, you have problems? Try dealing with the Messiah on trial, buddy!" Imagine trying to impress him with your problems. "I spilled coffee on my shirt this morning," and he's like, "I once sentenced a guy to death before my morning latte."
It's like having a spectral judge of all your life choices. "Oh, you're going to eat that extra slice of cake? Sure, but remember, I sentenced a guy to death for claiming to be the Son of God."
I can't even imagine dating with Pontius around. "So, what does your ghost think of me?" "Well, he's comparing you to a guy who got nailed to a cross, so take that as you will.
0
0
Ever been to a job interview and felt like you were being judged by an otherworldly presence? Well, with my ghost writer's note, "pontius," that scenario just got a whole lot spookier. Imagine sitting across from the interviewer, trying to impress them with your skills, and in the corner, there's this ghostly figure with a toga and a scepter. "Tell me about your leadership experience," they ask, and Pontius is in the background, muttering, "I once had to make a call on the leadership of the Son of God."
You try to crack a joke to lighten the mood, and Pontius is like, "I've heard funnier lines from the criminals I sentenced."
And of course, when they ask if you have any questions, you can't help but wonder, "Is Pontius going to haunt the break room, too?
Post a Comment