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At a pirate birthday, they always have that one kid who takes the pirate thing a bit too seriously. He shows up with a parrot, an eye patch, and a hook hand. I'm like, "Buddy, we're just here for the cake, not a swashbuckling adventure.
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The hardest part about attending a pirate birthday as an adult is explaining why you're wearing an eye patch and carrying a plastic sword. "Oh, me heartie, I'm just embracing the theme! It's not a mid-life crisis, I swear.
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The cake at a pirate birthday is always shaped like a ship or a treasure chest. It's the only time you'll hear someone say, "I can't believe we have to cut into this masterpiece." Like, come on, it's cake – not a Picasso.
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You ever been to a pirate-themed birthday party? It's the only place where kids aren't disappointed when they find out the treasure chest is just filled with chocolate coins. "Arrr, matey, I wanted a PS5!
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I went to a pirate birthday where they had a treasure map for the kids to follow. The "X" marked the spot for the hidden candy, but let's be real – kids would find candy without a map. It's like giving a GPS to a sugar detector.
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Ever notice how at a pirate birthday, the parents start talking like pirates too? "Arrr, did ye see the gift that be on sale at Toys 'R' Us?" Suddenly, everyone's a buccaneer bargain hunter.
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At a pirate-themed birthday, they always have those pirate hats with skull and crossbones. I wore one and suddenly felt the need to dramatically announce everything, like, "Avast, ye refrigerator, prepare to reveal thy snacks!
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You know it's a pirate birthday when the parents are trying to convince the kids that a piñata is a rogue treasure chest refusing to give up its goodies. "Kids, give it a whack! Show that chest who's boss!
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Pirate birthdays are the only parties where parents encourage their kids to shout, "Ahoy, matey!" instead of just saying "hello." I tried it at the grocery store once, and people looked at me like I had a parrot on my shoulder and was searching for the cereal aisle treasure.
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I attended a pirate birthday party recently, and they had a "walk the plank" activity. It's basically just a wooden board over a kiddie pool. I thought, "Wow, this is the only time it's socially acceptable for parents to encourage their kids to jump off a plank into water.
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