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I've figured it out, guys. Mike Pence has a superpower—the ability to make any situation awkward. Seriously, put him in a room, and it's like he's emitting awkward vibes that make everyone uncomfortable. It's like he's the human equivalent of that cringe-worthy moment in a sitcom. I bet he goes to parties and plays "pin the tail on the small talk." You know, he walks up to someone, starts a conversation, and just when it's getting interesting, he hits them with a Pence classic: "So, how about that weather we're having?"
And when he smiles, it's like he's auditioning for a toothpaste commercial. I can imagine him practicing in front of a mirror, going, "Remember, Mike, you're not happy; you're just mildly content."
But hey, we all have our quirks. Maybe Pence's superpower is a secret weapon to keep people on their toes. The world's most awkward superhero—Pence Man! Coming soon to a cringe-worthy situation near you.
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You guys remember that vice-presidential debate where a fly landed on Mike Pence's head? I mean, talk about the elephant in the room—or should I say, the fly on the head! I couldn't believe it. That fly got more screen time than some of the candidates in the primaries. I bet that fly has its own Instagram account now, probably with a bio like, "Just chilling on politicians' foreheads, living my best life." But seriously, that fly stole the show. I'm thinking, maybe it's a political commentator in the insect world. It's on Pence's head, buzzing around, giving its two cents on the debate. Maybe it was trying to whisper some advice like, "Hey, Mike, lower taxes, and invest in bug zappers!"
And you know, people were saying it was a sign from nature. Like, is it a sign of good luck or bad luck? If a fly lands on your head during a debate, does that mean you're going to win the election, or does it mean you need a better hairstylist? Either way, I think we found the real winner of that debate—the fly.
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I heard Mike Pence keeps a pretty busy schedule. I mean, the guy probably has a calendar that looks like a game of Tic-Tac-Toe, but instead of Xs and Os, it's just a bunch of Pences all over the place. Monday: Pence. Tuesday: Pence. Wednesday: Pence with a side of Pence. And you know, he's got those rules, like not having dinner alone with a woman who's not his wife. I mean, come on, Mike! Is he afraid the waitress is going to slip him her number with the dessert menu? "Here's your cheesecake, and by the way, call me!"
I imagine his calendar saying, "Thursday: Strategically avoid any situation that might lead to temptation." I'm just picturing Pence in a grocery store, carefully navigating the aisles to avoid the produce section. "Nope, can't risk running into any forbidden fruits over there."
But hey, at least his calendar is consistent. It's like a daily game of Penceception—how many times can you fit "Pence" on a page?
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You ever notice Mike Pence's poker face? I mean, the man's facial expressions are so subtle; it's like he's playing a never-ending game of poker, and he's holding a royal flush of stoicism. I bet if he ever wins the lottery, his reaction would be like, "Oh, that's mildly interesting." I can't tell if he's happy, sad, or just constipated. It's like he's trying to channel his inner statue. If you ask him how he's feeling, he probably responds with, "I'm feeling very vice-presidential, thank you."
And during the debates, he's the king of the non-answer. You ask him a question, and he gives you this long, winding response that leaves you more confused than a cat at a dog show. I mean, even the moderators are like, "Did he just answer the question, or did he recite the Gettysburg Address in Morse code?
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