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Why did the epidemiologist always carry a pencil? In case they needed to draw blood!
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My friend said he could make a vaccine out of spaghetti. I think he's pasta point of no return.
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Why did the quarantine couple break up? They needed some social distance!
Pandemics: The Real Test of Your Relationship is How Well You Share the Same Quarantine Space.
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You think moving in together is a big step in a relationship? Try being stuck in the same house for months on end with no escape. Forget 'till death do us part,' it's more like 'till Netflix binging tears us apart.' If you can survive a pandemic together, you can survive anything, even deciding whose turn it is to do the dishes.
Pandemics: The Only Time Where Introverts Finally Say, 'I Told You So!'
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You know, introverts have been preparing for pandemics their whole lives. While the extroverts are losing their minds over social isolation, introverts are just sitting at home like, Welcome to my world, folks! I've been training for this moment since I was five. Now, who's the socially awkward one?
Pandemics: The Time When Handshakes Became as Outdated as Fax Machines.
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Remember handshakes? Yeah, me neither. It's like we all collectively agreed to retire the handshake and replace it with the awkward wave or the even more awkward elbow bump. The only handshakes I do now are with my hand sanitizer.
Pandemics: The Only Time Where 'Home Office Casual' Means Business on Top, Pajamas on the Bottom.
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Remember the good old days when business casual meant slacks and a button-up? Now, it's all about looking professional from the waist up. Zoom calls have become a fashion paradox – business on top, party (in the form of fuzzy pajama bottoms) on the bottom. Who says you can't have it all?
Pandemics: The Time When Hoarding Toilet Paper Became the New Status Symbol.
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Who would've thought that a year ago, having a stash of toilet paper would be a flex? Forget fancy cars or designer handbags; if you've got a Costco-sized supply of toilet paper, you're living the high life. I never thought I'd say this, but Charmin Ultra Soft is the new currency.
Pandemics: The Time When Our Pets Realized We Weren't 'Working Late' After All.
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Our pets must be so confused. One minute we're leaving the house every day for work, and the next, we're home 24/7. Dogs are probably sitting there thinking, Wait a minute, you weren't at the office? You were just avoiding us, weren't you? You sneaky humans!
Pandemics: The Time When We All Became Bakers, Whether We Liked It or Not.
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Suddenly, everyone turned into a baker. Banana bread, sourdough, cookies – you name it, we baked it. It's like the world collectively decided that the solution to all our problems was in the bottom of a mixing bowl. Forget therapy; give me a whisk and some flour.
Pandemics: The Only Time Where 'Staying Positive' is a Lot Harder Than Testing Negative.
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We're all trying to stay positive during these times, but let's be honest – it's harder than getting a negative result on a COVID test. Some days, staying positive feels like trying to find the silver lining in a cloud that's raining on your parade.
Pandemics: The Only Time 'I'm on Mute' Became the Most Common Meeting Excuse.
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We've all been there. You're in a virtual meeting, and someone forgets to unmute themselves. It's the modern-day equivalent of talking with your fly down. Except instead of awkward glances, you get a chorus of Can you hear me now? and frustrated sighs. If there's a Nobel Prize for Mute Button Mastery, we've all earned it by now.
Pandemics: The Only Time Where 'I Miss People' Really Means 'I Miss Going Out for Brunch.'
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Let's be honest; when people say, I miss people, what they really mean is, I miss brunch with friends. It's not about deep, meaningful connections; it's about mimosas and avocado toast. If there's a support group for brunch withdrawal, sign me up – I need my bottomless mimosa fix.
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