17 Jokes For Paltrow

Puns

Updated on: Aug 06 2024

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I told Gwyneth Paltrow a joke about vegetables. She said it was a bit corny but kale-larious.
What's Gwyneth Paltrow's favorite superhero? Iron-y Man!
Why did Gwyneth Paltrow bring a notebook to the gym? To write down her reps and Goop goals!
Why did Gwyneth Paltrow become a chef? Because she wanted to make everything Gooplicious!
What did Gwyneth Paltrow say to the avocado? 'You've got guac to be kidding me!
Why did Gwyneth Paltrow bring a ladder to the bar? She heard the drinks were on the house!
Why did Gwyneth Paltrow become a gardener? She wanted to grow her own Goop ingredients!

Gwyneth's Goop Gaffe

Have you guys seen Gwyneth's Goop products? One minute she's selling a candle that smells like her, and the next, she's got people believing jade eggs are the next best thing since sliced bread. What's next? A sunscreen that's just bottled air from Aspen?

Paltrow's Health Tips

Gwyneth Paltrow once recommended a 500-dollar smoothie on Goop for its health benefits. Five hundred bucks! For that price, that smoothie better not just detox my body but also balance my checkbook.

Paltrow's Goop Grocery List

I saw Gwyneth's grocery list on Goop: truffle oil, saffron threads, and unicorn tears. I mean, who's her grocery store, Hogwarts?

Paltrow's Prestige Projects

Gwyneth Paltrow's projects keep getting more and more exclusive. I wouldn't be surprised if her next venture is a Goop subscription that requires a secret handshake and a blood oath.

Goop's Glitzy Gifts

I tried gifting my friend something from Goop. It cost me an arm and a leg. Literally, I had to sell a kidney to afford a candle that promised to make my room smell like Gwyneth's yoga mat.

The Peculiar Life of Paltrow

You know, I heard Gwyneth Paltrow named her kid Apple. I guess she's just prepping her for a future where she can be pressed and squeezed for every last dollar on Goop.

Goop's Golden Gimmicks

If you've ever bought something from Goop, you've probably also wondered if Gwyneth has a secret Goop product that's just a mirror, so you can reflect on all the money you've wasted.

Gwyneth's Wellness Wisdom

Gwyneth's wellness advice is like her acting career: unexpected, overpriced, and leaves you wondering, Was that really necessary?

The Goop Gospel

Gwyneth's Goop is like a modern-day cult. Instead of Kool-Aid, they've got organic, gluten-free, non-GMO Kombucha. And instead of chanting, they just whisper, Cleanse... detox... repeat.

Paltrow's Recipe for Success

They say Gwyneth has some unique recipes on Goop. You know you've made it when people are paying top dollar to eat the same thing your dog wouldn't touch.

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