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Gwyneth Paltrow's wellness advice is like a high-maintenance friend. Expensive, hard to keep up with, and you always end up wondering if it's worth it. I mean, does my self-esteem really need a Himalayan salt lamp?
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Gwyneth Paltrow is all about those alternative health trends. She probably uses kale as a bookmark and swears it improves digestion even for her books.
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Gwyneth Paltrow is into all these exotic diets. Meanwhile, I’m over here contemplating whether I should eat the last slice of pizza or risk it and save it for breakfast. It's called the "leftover struggle diet.
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Gwyneth has this whole thing about conscious uncoupling. I tried it with my alarm clock this morning. I gently told it we should see other people, but it insisted on seeing me every day at 7 am.
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You know, Gwyneth Paltrow has her own lifestyle brand. I checked it out, and I realized the only thing missing from my life was a $500 rock to balance my energy. Now I'm broke and unbalanced.
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I saw Gwyneth talking about her morning routine. She wakes up at 5 am, does yoga, drinks a green smoothie, and then, of course, consults her crystal ball to see if it's a good day to be rich and famous.
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Gwyneth once recommended a $200 toothpaste. I tried it, and now my teeth are so high-maintenance, they only socialize with other celebrity teeth.
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Gwyneth has a candle that supposedly smells like her. I'm just waiting for the day when I can buy a candle that smells like me after I've successfully avoided all my responsibilities for the day.
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Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter Apple. Imagine being that kid in school. "Hi, I'm Apple." "Oh, is your brother Orange, and your sister Banana?
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