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Why did Big Brother become a gardener? He wanted to control the roots of dissent!
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Why did Big Brother apply for a job at the bakery? He wanted to knead the dough-sidents into shape!
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Why did the Newspeak dictionary go to therapy? It had too many issues with expression!
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Why did the telescreen apply for a job at the comedy club? It wanted to screen all the jokes for subversive content!
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Why was the surveillance camera promoted at work? It had an excellent record of capturing employee performances!
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Why did Winston Smith break up with his calendar? It had too many dates with Big Brother!
Orwell's 1984
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You know, I read George Orwell's '1984' the other day. What a book! It's like a manual for avoiding surveillance, but all I got from it was that my microwave is probably plotting against me.
Telescreen Truths
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The book talks about telescreens everywhere. Now, with smartphones, it's like we're willingly carrying around our personal telescreens. Just checking Instagram for the latest telescreen drama.
Big Brother is Watching
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So, in '1984', there's this concept of Big Brother watching you all the time. I thought, Hey, my smartphone already does that. Does that mean Steve Jobs is the new Big Brother? Should I be wearing an Apple logo on my forehead?
Newspeak Confusion
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You ever try to read about Newspeak in '1984'? I mean, who needs all these new words? If I wanted confusion, I'd just read my doctor's handwriting.
Doublethink Dilemma
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Orwell talks about this concept called Doublethink, where you hold two contradictory beliefs at the same time. I tried it during a diet - I believe I can eat that whole cake, but I also believe I won't gain weight. Spoiler alert: Doublethink doesn't cancel calories.
Thought Police in Traffic
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In '1984', there are Thought Police who monitor your thoughts. I wish we had them in traffic. Sir, we noticed you just thought about cutting off that minivan. We'll have to write you a ticket for aggressive daydreaming.
Room 101 Diet
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There's this thing called Room 101 in the book where they expose your worst fear. I'm thinking of creating a Room 101 diet. Put a plate of kale and a treadmill in there – that'll scare the calories out of anyone.
Love in a Surveillance State
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According to '1984', love is forbidden. I'm thinking, if love is outlawed, only outlaws will have Valentine's Day plans. Dinner reservations in Room 101, anyone?
1984 vs. 2023
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I compared '1984' to today, and you know what's scarier? In '84, they had Big Brother; in 2023, we have Big Data. At least Big Brother was just nosy. Big Data knows my deepest secrets and still insists on showing me ads for things I don't need.
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