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The neighborhood watch always talks about being vigilant, but the only action they've seen recently is Mrs. Johnson accidentally pepper-spraying herself while trying to demonstrate self-defense techniques. Bravo, Captain Safety.
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Our neighborhood watch has a Facebook group where they share updates. It's like a virtual block party, but instead of bringing a casserole, you bring your latest conspiracy theory about the mysterious cat that wanders through everyone's yards.
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Ever notice how the head of the neighborhood watch is always the person with the most blinds in their house? They've got the inside scoop on everyone, and they're not afraid to pull a blind or two to get a good look.
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I suggested we upgrade the neighborhood watch to a "neighborhood drone patrol." Now we have tiny helicopters buzzing around, scaring away both criminals and the occasional confused seagull. Crime prevention meets bird control!
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Our neighborhood watch meetings are like group therapy for people who have watched too many crime dramas. "Last night, I saw a shadow. It could have been a cat, or it could have been an international jewel thief. Hard to say.
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I joined the neighborhood watch recently. Turns out, it's just a bunch of people peeking out from behind their curtains like the nosy Avengers. "Is that the new neighbor? What's in that Amazon box? We need answers!
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I love how the neighborhood watch thinks they're preventing crime by walking around with flashlights at night. Like, what's their plan? Blind the burglars into submission? "Quick, Martha, grab the crime-fighting spotlight!
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You know you live in a safe neighborhood when the most exciting thing the neighborhood watch reports is a suspicious-looking squirrel. I mean, do we really think he's casing the joint for acorns?
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The neighborhood watch claims to keep an eye on things, but they can't even keep an eye on their own lawn gnomes. Last week, we had a gnome-napping spree. They're now holding a press conference about the gnome crisis.
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