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The Sleepy Significant Other
When your partner is a mouth breather in bed
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I thought about getting my partner a CPAP machine, but then I realized that's just trading the sound of snoring for the soothing hum of machinery. It's like choosing between a chainsaw and a lawnmower as your lullaby.
The Gym Conundrum
When your workout buddy is a mouth breather
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I suggested we try yoga together. Turns out, downward dog is a lot less zen when it's followed by the sound of heavy breathing that could wake the dead. It's like meditating in a dragon's lair.
The Movie Marathon
Watching a movie with a mouth breather
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I suggested we watch a silent film. Turns out, even silent films have subtitles, and heavy breathing makes for a terrible dialogue replacement. It's like watching a romantic comedy with Darth Vader as the lead.
The Office Dilemma
Dealing with a mouth breather at work
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HR suggested I get noise-canceling headphones to deal with it. Now, instead of hearing the rhythmic breathing, I just imagine my colleague is beatboxing. It's the only way I can survive the corporate rap battle.
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