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You know you're in for an adventure when you're staying in a motel, and you find out you've got some unexpected roommates. No, not bed bugs—though they’re often there to welcome you with open...legs. I'm talking about those mysterious noises coming from the next room. It's like a live-action ASMR of someone's life falling apart. Are they assembling furniture at 3 am or plotting the heist of the century? Either way, I'm just trying to sleep, but now I'm writing a screenplay called "Motel Mysteries: No Rest for the Wicked.
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Have you ever looked up motel reviews online? It's like reading a horror novel, except it's real life. "Five stars: A great place if you're into mystery stains and the occasional peeping Tom." Or my personal favorite, "Would not recommend unless you enjoy living on the edge of a nervous breakdown." I mean, these reviews should come with a warning label! I’m half-expecting to see, “Stayed there and lived to tell the tale” as a genuine compliment. At this rate, I’m thinking of starting a blog called "Surviving Motels: One Sketchy Stay at a Time.
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You ever notice how every motel room looks like it's been designed by someone who just finished a marathon of horror movies? I mean, I walk in, and I'm waiting for the creaky floorboards and the flickering lightbulb to signal the start of a scary movie. Seriously, the decor screams "murder mystery" more than "relaxing vacation." And don't get me started on those bedspreads. I'm pretty sure they haven't been washed since the '80s. I mean, I'd feel safer sleeping in a hammock on a cliffside!
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Ah, the complimentary breakfast at motels. Where the waffle batter is somehow both too thick to pour and too runny to hold a shape. And let's not forget the mystery meat that they try to pass off as sausage. I mean, I've seen shoes with more appetizing fillings! And who decided that stale cereal and lukewarm coffee is a breakfast fit for champions? At this point, I'd be thrilled if they just handed me a granola bar and said, "Good luck out there!
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