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You know, military police have this unique way of celebrating Halloween. Instead of saying "trick or treat," they say, "ticket or treat." I was at a Halloween party on base, and a military police officer knocked on the door. I opened it, and he handed me a parking violation. I said, "But it's Halloween!" He replied, "Exactly, the scariest night of the year. Now move your vehicle or face the consequences." I mean, who needs haunted houses when you have military police handing out tickets in the dark? It's like, "Oh, you thought that ghost was scary? Try dealing with the DMV. That's true terror!
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You ever notice how military police are like undercover superheroes? I mean, they're everywhere, and they've got this mysterious vibe. You don't know whether they're here to protect us or auditioning for the next Marvel movie. I got stopped at the gate the other day, and the officer asked, "Do you have any weapons in the vehicle?" I said, "No, just some snacks and a questionable taste in music." He wasn't amused. But honestly, I think they're just jealous because they don't get to ride around in a Batmobile. Can you imagine a military police pursuit with sirens blaring and a Bat-Signal in the sky? I'd pay to see that.
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Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about military police. You know, those guys who make you feel like you're in the middle of an action movie just by walking past them. I mean, have you ever seen someone so serious about directing traffic? It's like they're directing the next blockbuster, "Fast and the Furious: Military Base Drift." And can we talk about their uniforms? It's like they raided Batman's closet. I half-expect them to pull out a Batarang instead of a ticket book. I got pulled over once, and the officer looked at me dead in the eyes and said, "Do you know why I stopped you?" I replied, "Because my tail light is out?" He said, "No, it's because you're not wearing a cape. Safety first, citizen!
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Military police are like the Yoda of the military base. They've got this wisdom, this aura of authority. I mean, if Yoda wore camo and carried a ticket book. They're the only ones who can make standing guard at a gate look profound. I asked one of them for directions once, and he looked at me like I had just asked him to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. He said, "Young padawan, follow the path of the yellow stripes, and you shall reach your destination." I nodded, half-expecting him to wave his hand and say, "These aren't the droids you're looking for." Military police, the guardians of the base and unintentional masters of Jedi mind tricks.
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