bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
You ever notice that when you're on mescalines, you suddenly become convinced you have superpowers? I'm there, convinced I'm the next Marvel superhero. I mean, I could barely walk straight, but in my mind, I'm soaring through the skies like a majestic drunken eagle. I tried to show off my superpowers to my friend. I was like, "Watch this! I can teleport from the couch to the fridge in three seconds!" Spoiler alert again: I tripped over the coffee table.
But here's the real kicker – on mescalines, you believe you have the power to solve the world's problems. I called up world leaders to discuss my groundbreaking ideas, like replacing all nuclear weapons with rubber chickens. Surprisingly, they weren't on board.
So, moral of the story, folks – mescalines, not the key to saving the world, but definitely the key to a night you'll never forget, even if you try.
0
0
You know, my ghost writer handed me some notes and the first thing on there is "mescalines." Now, I don't know about you, but I feel like mescalines sound like something you'd find in a fantasy novel, not in your buddy Dave's fridge. Dave, the guy who thinks expiration dates are just a suggestion. So, I tried mescalines. I thought, "Why not? Let's embark on a psychedelic journey in my own living room." But here's the thing about mescalines – they're like the rebellious teenagers of the drug world. They don't follow the rules. You're expecting a magical carpet ride, and instead, you end up having a heated debate with your houseplants about the meaning of life.
I took mescalines, and suddenly, my toaster became my life coach. It was like, "Dude, you've been toasting bread all wrong. You need to let it find its own crispiness." And I'm there, nodding like, "You're right, toaster, you're right.
0
0
Let's talk about the kitchen, the place where culinary dreams come true. So, I'm on mescalines, feeling like the Gordon Ramsay of my own reality. I decide to cook a gourmet meal, you know, elevate my taste buds to a higher plane of existence. I gather all the ingredients, and I'm chopping vegetables like a culinary wizard. But here's the kicker – I don't even have a recipe. I'm just throwing in random stuff, thinking I'm the Picasso of the kitchen. Spoiler alert: Picasso would be disappointed.
I serve this masterpiece to my friends, and they're looking at their plates like they just walked into a modern art museum. One friend takes a bite and goes, "Is that a hint of existential crisis I'm tasting?" Yeah, buddy, that's the mescaline special.
0
0
So, I'm on mescalines, right? And I start contemplating the big questions of life. I'm sitting on the couch, staring at the ceiling, and it hits me – why is it called a building if it's already built? And who decided that a pineapple should be called a pineapple? It's not an apple, and it sure as heck isn't growing on a pine tree. Mescalines make you question everything. I looked at my pet fish and wondered if he had dreams of becoming a dolphin. I mean, he does have that determined look in his eyes, or maybe it's just the fish flakes I forgot to feed him.
But seriously, folks, mescalines make you ponder the mysteries of the universe. I even tried having a deep conversation with my cat. She wasn't having it. She just stared at me like, "Dude, you're talking to a cat. Get a grip.
Post a Comment