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You know what's oddly satisfying? Peeling the plastic off a new electronic device. It's like the tech world's version of popping bubble wrap. "Ah, yes, the sound of financial regret being revealed.
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You know you're in for a wild night when you spend more time deciding what to watch on Netflix than actually watching something. "Honey, should we go for a comedy, a drama, a documentary? Or maybe we should just stare at the options until we fall asleep.
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You ever notice how when you're at a friend's house, their Wi-Fi password becomes a state secret? "Hey, can I get on your Wi-Fi?" Suddenly, you've asked them for their deepest, darkest secret. "Sure, it's... umm... let me just write it down for you.
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Have you ever tried to assemble furniture from a certain Swedish store? You start off feeling like Bob the Builder and end up needing therapy. "Step 1: Lay out all the pieces. Step 2: Question your life choices. Step 3: Call for backup.
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Have you ever noticed that the more buttons on a remote control, the more complicated it is to simply turn on the TV? "Okay, let's see... power, input, settings, mute, volume up, volume down... I just wanted to watch the news!
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Why is it that every time you go to a coffee shop and order a simple coffee, you feel like you're reciting Shakespeare? "I'll have a grande, half-caff, soy, caramel macchiato, with an extra shot, but make it decaf... and hold the caramel.
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Have you ever looked at the expiration date on a bottle of ketchup? I mean, who's keeping ketchup around long enough to see it expire? "Oh, this ketchup's from 2018? Perfect, just in time for my fries!
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You know you're an adult when your idea of a wild Friday night is rearranging your furniture. "Honey, let's spice things up. Let's move the couch to the other side of the room. Yeah, that'll shake things up!
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Ever notice how alarm clocks have the audacity to be snooze-friendly? "Oh, you want an extra 9 minutes of sleep? Sure, hit that snooze button... five more times.
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