18 Jokes For Mark Wahlberg

Puns

Updated on: Jul 19 2024

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Why did Mark Wahlberg become a gardener? Because he wanted to 'Mark' the growth of his green thumb!
Why did Mark Wahlberg open a shoe store? Because he wanted to be the sole owner of a successful business!
Why did Mark Wahlberg become a comedian? He wanted to show that laughter is the real 'Mark' of success!
Why did Mark Wahlberg start a gardening business? Because he wanted to plant some 'Mark'et vegetables!
I asked Mark Wahlberg if he could help me with my math homework. He said, 'Sorry, I'm more of a Mark-eting guy.
Why did Mark Wahlberg become a detective? He wanted to 'Mark' his territory in solving crimes!
I heard Mark Wahlberg is starting a clothing line. I guess he wants to be the 'Mark' of stylish success.
Why did Mark Wahlberg become a chef? Because he wanted to make the most Wahl-burgers in Hollywood!

Mark Wahlberg's Workout Woes

You ever see Mark Wahlberg's workout videos? I mean, the guy's a beast, right? But c'mon, it's like he's trying to make us all feel bad about hitting snooze five times! I watch that and suddenly my bag of chips feels like a personal trainer, going, C'mon, lift me to your mouth! You can do it!

Mark Wahlberg's Hidden Talents

Did you know Mark Wahlberg used to be a rapper? Yeah, Marky Mark! But then he switched to acting. I guess he thought, Why drop beats when I can drop bad guys? I'm just waiting for his next career change—maybe he'll become a chef and start throwing burgers at criminals!

Mark Wahlberg's Superhero Ambitions

Mark Wahlberg's always in these action movies, trying to save the world. I'm starting to think he believes he's a real-life superhero. He's probably at home right now, checking his closet for his cape, going, Honey, have you seen my spandex? The city needs me!

Mark Wahlberg's Pet Peeves

Mark Wahlberg's got some strict rules in his house. Apparently, nobody's allowed to talk before he's had his morning protein shake. You know you've made it when your family has to sign an NDA just to say, Good morning!

Mark Wahlberg's Method Acting

I admire Mark Wahlberg's dedication to his roles. He gets so into character, it's like he forgets who he really is. I bet at home, his kids ask him a question, and he responds in a Russian accent, going, In Mother Russia, no dessert before vegetables!

Mark Wahlberg's GPS Mishaps

I heard Mark Wahlberg has his own line of GPS voices. Can you imagine taking directions from him? Alright, make a left in point five miles, and if you don't, say hi to your mother for me!

Mark Wahlberg's Coffee Obsession

I heard Mark Wahlberg loves his coffee. I mean, really loves it. He's so committed, he probably looks at his morning cup of joe and whispers, You complete me.

Mark Wahlberg's Unlikely Hobbies

I heard Mark Wahlberg's taking up knitting. Yeah, I guess after all those action movies, he needed something to help him unwind. I can see it now—instead of flexing his muscles, he's flexing his knitting needles, going, You wanna mess with me? I'll knit you a sweater!

Mark Wahlberg's Time Machine Confessions

I heard Mark Wahlberg wants a time machine. Yeah, apparently, he wants to go back and change some things. I can picture it now, him jumping in, setting the dial, and suddenly, Whoa, whoa, whoa! I said 'time machine,' not 'eye cream'!

Mark Wahlberg's Selfie Struggles

Mark Wahlberg takes a lot of gym selfies, right? But have you noticed how he always looks like he's in pain? I bet his captions are like, Just another day at the gym, but his face is screaming, Send help, I'm trapped in this selfie pose!

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