17 Jokes For Magazines

Puns

Updated on: Jan 15 2025

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What do you call a magazine about elevators? Going Up Weekly!
What's a magazine's favorite type of humor? Page-turners!
What do you call a magazine for cats? Purrriodicals!
What do you call a magazine's party? A glossy gathering!
Why did the magazine go to school? Because it wanted to be well-read!
What do magazines use to make important decisions? Headlines and subheadlines!
Why did the nature magazine win a prize? It had a tree-mendous amount of information!

Magazines: The Best Way to Make Your Coffee Table Feel Inadequate

I'm convinced magazines have secret meetings where they plot against coffee tables. Let's make them feel dull and unworthy, they say. So now, my coffee table's just sitting there, trying to compete with glossy pages filled with unattainable perfection. Thanks, magazines, for giving my furniture an inferiority complex!

Magazines: The Source of DIY Projects We'll Never Actually Do

You know those DIY sections? They make it look like transforming your living room into a jungle paradise is just three easy steps away. Cut to me surrounded by half-cut cardboard boxes, glue stuck to my fingers, and a fern that looks like it's seen better days. Thanks, magazines, for the false hope!

Magazines: The Only Place Where Wrinkles Aren't Welcome

They've got these sections promising to banish wrinkles like they're some kind of evil spirit. But let's be real, no cream is gonna erase the fact that I've laughed, cried, and had a great time living life. Thanks, magazines, for reminding me that laughter lines are the best accessories I've got!

Magazines: Where My Wish List Becomes a Novel

You ever start circling things in magazines, thinking, Oh yeah, I'll definitely buy this until you realize your wish list has more circles than a crop circle convention? Thanks, magazines, for making me think I'm a Rockefeller on a lemonade stand budget!

Magazines: Because We Need More Ways to Procrastinate

Who needs deadlines when you've got magazines? You sit down to read for five minutes, and suddenly it's three hours later, your to-do list is crying in the corner, and you know every celebrity's skincare routine by heart. Thanks, magazines, for being the ultimate time-sucking vortex!

Magazines: Where Happiness Costs $9.99 a Month

Ever notice how they sell happiness in those self-help magazines? Apparently, all you need is a subscription and a positive attitude! But here I am, with a stack of issues and still no idea how to magically transform into a zen master. Thanks, magazines, for selling dreams at a premium!

Magazines: Making Us Believe We Can Look Like Celebrities in 5 Easy Steps

Yeah, five easy steps to turn me into Beyoncé. Step one: be Beyoncé. That's it. But thanks, magazines, for making me believe I'm just a hairstyle away from walking a red carpet!

Magazines: Making Us Believe We Can Cook Like Gordon Ramsay

Those recipe sections are like a trap. They show you a picture of a gourmet meal, make it seem like even a toddler could make it, and then you're standing in the kitchen covered in flour, questioning all your life choices. Thanks, magazines, for turning my kitchen into a battlefield!

Magazines: The Only Books We Buy for the Ads

You ever notice how magazines are like the gateway drug to online shopping? You're flipping through, just innocently browsing, and suddenly you've got a cart full of things you never knew you needed. Thanks, glossy pages, for making my bank account go on a rollercoaster ride!

Magazines: Where Models Have Perfect Lives and We Have Perfect Imaginations

Have you seen those fashion magazines? I swear, they're more like fantasy novels. People in those pages don't have bad hair days; they have dramatic hair moments. Meanwhile, I'm over here looking like I just wrestled a tornado. Thanks, magazines, for setting the bar impossibly high!

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