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Why did the killer bring a map to the crime scene? Because he wanted to follow the 'murderous' path!
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Why did the killer bring a vacuum to the crime scene? He wanted to clean up his act!
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Why did the killer become a gardener? He wanted to bury the hatchet – literally!
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Why did the killer bring a pencil to the crime scene? To draw his own conclusions!
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Why did the killer bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
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Why did the killer go to therapy? Because he had a stabbing personality!
The Killer Salad Conundrum
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I decided to go on a diet and embrace the whole salad thing. Now, every time I order a salad, my friends look at me like I'm a health nut. Little do they know, it's a killer salad because it's slowly murdering my love for carbs and flavor. Who knew leaves could be so deadly to happiness?
Killer Time Management
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I always claim I'm great at time management. The reality is, I have a killer ability to spend hours organizing my to-do list, color-coding it, and then promptly ignoring it. Procrastination is an art, and I'm the Picasso of putting things off.
The Killer Couch Potato
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You ever notice how we all claim to be busy, hustling and bustling, but at the end of the day, we're just sitting on the couch, binge-watching our favorite shows? Yeah, I'm a killer when it comes to avoiding responsibilities. They should give out awards for it. I'd like to thank Netflix, my comfy couch, and of course, my killer instinct for procrastination.
Killer Dance Moves
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I decided to join a dance class to spice up my life. Now, everyone in the class thinks I have killer dance moves. Little do they know, my signature move is the accidental elbow to the person next to me. It's a killer move, literally, for our friendship.
The Killer Diet Plan
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I tried this new diet plan where you eat every three hours to boost your metabolism. I'm on the killer diet, also known as the eat a snack, feel guilty, eat another snack to comfort the guilt plan. My metabolism might not be boosted, but my snack game is on point.
Killer Workout Routine
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People keep talking about killer workouts, you know, the kind that leaves you gasping for air and questioning your life choices. Well, I found the perfect one. It's called Trying to fold a fitted sheet. If you survive that, you can conquer anything. My abs are killer; unfortunately, so is my enthusiasm for laundry.
Killer Gardening Skills
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I attempted to grow my own vegetables to be all eco-friendly and stuff. Turns out, I have a killer instinct for making plants rethink their life choices. I told my tomatoes I was trying to make a salad, but they just couldn't handle the pressure. Gardening tip: Plants need therapy, not a green thumb.
Killer Selfie Game
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I decided to up my selfie game, so I bought this fancy camera. Now, I take killer selfies, but my neighbors probably think I'm a secret agent. They see me in my backyard, striking poses with this intense camera, and I'm just here trying to get good lighting for my Instagram. The struggle is real, and so is my killer selfie game.
Killer Fashion Choices
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I tried online shopping the other day, and they asked me for my style preferences. I clicked on killer looks, thinking I was being fashion-forward. Now, I'm just waiting for my delivery of a leather jacket and sunglasses, wondering if my wardrobe choices are a bit too literal.
The Killer Bedtime Story
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They say you should read a book before bed to relax. So, I picked up a murder mystery. Now, every night, I'm laying there, wide awake, solving crimes in my head. Turns out, a killer bedtime story is not conducive to a peaceful night's sleep. Who knew?
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