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You know, I was hanging out with my niece and nephew the other day. They're like 10 and 11, right? And man, kids these days are something else. I asked them what they wanted to be when they grow up, and they said, "Influencers." I was like, "Back in my day, we just wanted to be astronauts or superheroes. Now, you can be famous for just taking a good selfie!" But seriously, these kids are so tech-savvy. I handed them a VHS tape, and they stared at it like I handed them an alien artifact. They were like, "Is this a 3D-printed save icon?" I felt like a dinosaur.
And don't get me started on their homework. I tried to help with their math, and I swear, I needed a PhD in astrophysics to understand what they were doing. I miss the good old days of 2 + 2 equals 4. Now it's like, "If a train leaves Chicago at 3 PM and another leaves New York at 5 PM, calculate the velocity of existential dread.
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I tried helping my niece and nephew with their homework, and it's like entering a battlefield. The math problems were so complicated; I felt like I needed a survival guide and a distress signal. I asked my nephew, "What's this new math you're doing?" He said, "It's common core." I thought, "Common core? More like uncommon confusion." And the science projects! Back in my day, a science project was a volcano made of baking soda and vinegar. Now it's like they're trying to build a nuclear reactor in the kitchen. I'm just standing there with safety goggles, thinking, "I just wanted a simple papier-mâché explosion."
But hey, at least I can still help with spelling. Wait, they're learning spelling with autocorrect now? What happened to the good old days of red squiggly lines under misspelled words?
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So, my sister asked me to attend a parent-teacher meeting for her kids. I thought, "Why not? How hard could it be?" Little did I know, it's like entering a battleground. You're sitting there, surrounded by other parents, all pretending their kids are geniuses. It's a room full of aspiring actors in the world's most poorly written drama. The teacher started talking about how creative the kids are. She said, "They have vivid imaginations." I'm thinking, "Yeah, they can imagine a hundred ways to avoid doing their chores." Then she said, "They express themselves freely." Sure, by drawing on the walls and blaming it on the dog.
But the highlight was when the teacher told me my nephew was a "social butterfly." I'm like, "Social butterfly? This kid won't even say hi to the neighbor's cat. What kind of butterfly is that, the introverted moth?
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I asked my niece what she learned in school, expecting to hear about history or science. She looks at me and says, "Uncle, did you know that if your parachute doesn't deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it?" I'm thinking, "Is this kid preparing for a career in motivational speaking or base jumping?" And then my nephew drops some philosophical wisdom on me. He says, "Life is short, but so is your memory when you forget to do your homework." I'm like, "Kid, you're 10. When I was 10, my biggest concern was whether I could stay up late to watch cartoons."
So, here I am, learning life lessons from pint-sized philosophers who can't reach the top shelf in the grocery store. Kids these days, they're like miniature sages with a side order of mischief.
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