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Kids these days have smartphones before they can tie their shoes. I asked a 5-year-old for the time, and he pulled out his phone. I felt like I was asking a wizard for the secrets of the universe.
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As a parent, you become a master negotiator. My daughter wanted a puppy, so I said, "How about a goldfish?" She said, "Deal." Now I'm the proud owner of a goldfish named Rover.
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I was babysitting my nephew the other day, and he asked me, "Why do you have so many channels on your TV?" I said, "Well, when I was your age, we had five channels and had to get up to change them." He looked at me like I was describing the dark ages.
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Have you ever noticed that kids have a magical ability to disappear the moment you mention chores? You tell them it's time to clean, and poof! They're gone, like tiny, messy ninjas.
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You ever notice how kids always have a sixth sense for finding the most expensive item in the store? "Mom, can I get this gold-plated video game console? It's only $999.99!
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My son came up to me the other day and said, "Dad, can I have five dollars?" I asked, "For what?" He said, "For nothing." I told him, "Well, if you're giving away free money, I'll take some too!
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You know you're officially an adult when you start saying things your parents used to say. I caught myself telling my neighbor's kid, "Money doesn't grow on trees!" Then I wondered if that kid even knows what a tree is.
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Trying to have a conversation with a teenager is like playing a game of 20 Questions, but all the answers are just variations of "I dunno" and "Whatever." I asked my nephew what he wants to be when he grows up, and he said, "Not old like you.
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Kids have this unique talent for turning ordinary household items into toys. I bought my son a fancy toy, and he spent more time playing with the box. I thought, "Next Christmas, I'm just wrapping up a bunch of empty boxes.
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