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The Soccer Ball
The existential crisis of being kicked around
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Soccer balls must be the only inanimate objects that understand the true meaning of "rejection." I get kicked around so much that even the idea of a deflated beach ball feels sorry for me.
Grass Expert
The battle between perfect grass and wild soccer games
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My grass is so well-maintained that the neighborhood kids mistake it for a putting green. Little do they know; it's more like a mini-golf course where the obstacles move, scream, and occasionally require juice boxes.
The Snack Vendor
Balancing nutritional offerings with what the kids actually want
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My business model is simple: sell snacks that are healthy enough for parents to approve but tasty enough for kids to trade for something better. It's like a snack-based stock market, and fruit snacks are the new Bitcoin.
The Referee's Perspective
Trying to decipher kid logic on the field
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My favorite part of being a referee is pretending to understand the complex strategy discussions among the 8-year-olds. It's like listening to soccer-themed philosophy – "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still count as a goal?
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