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I've got a friend who's a parent, and he was telling me about the bedtime struggles with his kid. He's like, "It takes hours to get him to sleep. We've tried everything—warm milk, bedtime stories, even playing whale sounds." I'm thinking, "Dude, back in my day, my parents had one surefire method to get me to sleep: boredom." I mean, there were no iPads to entertain us until the wee hours of the night. We had a bedtime, and that was it. Once the streetlights came on, it was game over. Nowadays, kids are negotiating their bedtime like they're diplomats at a peace summit. "Okay, Mom, how about just one more episode? I promise I'll go to bed right after that."
And don't even get me started on the bedtime stories. When I was a kid, it was all about fairy tales and talking animals. Now, kids are reading stories about coding adventures and entrepreneurial toddlers. I'm just waiting for the day a kid asks for a bedtime story about the stock market.
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So, my friends with kids were complaining about how hard it is to raise children nowadays. They were like, "Parenting is like a 24/7 job. It's exhausting!" And I'm thinking, "Well, it sounds like you're doing it wrong." I mean, come on, we used to play outside until we were so tired that we'd pass out the moment our heads hit the pillow. Nowadays, parents have to schedule playdates, coordinate extracurricular activities, and make sure their kids have a well-balanced organic, gluten-free, non-GMO, sustainable, ethically sourced, farm-to-table meal. My mom's idea of a balanced meal was making sure there was a vegetable on the pizza.
And don't even get me started on homework. I remember struggling with long division, and now they're teaching kids how to code before they can even spell "algorithm" correctly. I'm just waiting for a 6-year-old to come up to me and say, "Hey, do you need help with your taxes?
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You know, I was at the grocery store the other day, and there was this kid in the checkout line with his mom. He's like 8 years old, right? And he's got this look on his face like he's just conquered the world. I'm thinking, "What's this kid so proud of?" So, I decide to eavesdrop a bit. He's bragging to his mom about how he knows how to use an iPad. He's like, "Mom, I'm practically a tech genius. I can swipe and tap like nobody's business." I'm standing there thinking, "Kid, back in my day, we were proud if we could tie our shoelaces without tripping over ourselves."
And then, this kid pulls out a smartphone, starts scrolling through apps, and I'm just waiting for him to ask his mom for the Wi-Fi password. I mean, come on! When I was his age, I was excited if I got a new box of crayons. Now, these kids are walking around with more computing power in their pockets than NASA had when they sent a man to the moon.
I don't know, maybe I'm just jealous because my childhood toys didn't come with a user manual. "Step 1: Insert batteries. Step 2: Connect to Bluetooth." What happened to good old-fashioned action figures and playing outside until the streetlights came on?
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I recently tried to explain to my nephew what life was like before smartphones. He looked at me like I was describing a time when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. I'm like, "Back in my day, if you wanted to talk to someone, you had to use a landline. You know, those things with cords attached to the wall?" And then, he asked, "Did you have Instagram?" I'm like, "No, kid, we had photo albums. Real, physical albums you could flip through and embarrass your friends with." I tried to describe the excitement of getting film developed and the agony of waiting to see if your photos turned out okay. He just stared at me and said, "That sounds like a horror movie."
I realize I'm officially part of the generation that says, "Back in my day," and it's both hilarious and terrifying. But you know what? At least we didn't have to worry about accidentally liking someone's post from three years ago while stalking their profile. Ah, the good old days.
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