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Jehovah's Witnesses must have the best step counters. They walk from door to door, spreading the word of God, probably getting more steps in than the rest of us at the gym. Forget Fitbit, they need FaithBit.
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You know you're an adult when you get excited about unexpected visitors – until it's Jehovah's Witnesses. Then you become a ninja, silently avoiding the windows, tip-toeing around your own house like you're in a religious-themed episode of Mission: Impossible.
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You ever try to avoid eye contact with Jehovah's Witnesses but end up making awkward, accidental eye contact? Now you're stuck in a spiritual staring contest, and the loser has to hear about the end of the world.
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Jehovah's Witnesses are the only people who can turn a simple doorbell ring into a full-blown existential crisis. "Should I answer? What if they ask me a question I don't know the answer to? Is my knowledge of the Bible up to par?
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You ever notice how Jehovah's Witnesses knock on your door with so much confidence? I'm over here hiding behind the curtains like it's a game of hide and seek. "Shh, be quiet, they can't see us if we don't move.
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Jehovah's Witnesses have the ultimate poker face. You open the door, and they're standing there with that "I know something you don't" look. I'm just waiting for them to pull out a deck of cards and start dealing.
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I had a Jehovah's Witness come to my door, and I politely declined their literature. They said, "That's okay, we'll just leave it with you." It's like religious Amazon Prime – you can't escape the delivery, but at least it comes with free salvation shipping.
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I respect Jehovah's Witnesses for their commitment, but I wish they had a "Do Not Knock" list. I'd sign up immediately and put it right next to my "No Soliciting" sign. Maybe add a "Yes, I'm Still Ignoring You" sign too.
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Jehovah's Witnesses are like the original door-to-door influencers. "Excuse me, have you heard about our Lord and Savior? Also, here's a pamphlet with 10% off salvation if you use the promo code 'RepentNow.'
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