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So, incels have this interesting relationship with pick-up artists. It's like the blind leading the socially awkward. Pick-up artists are like, "Just use these magic words, and she'll fall for you." And incels are like, "Magic words? We can barely say 'hello' without sweating." I read about this pick-up artist technique where you're supposed to insult a girl playfully. They call it "negging." You know, like saying, "Nice hair, did you borrow it from a mop?" Yeah, that'll win her heart. Because nothing says love like a backhanded compliment.
I can imagine an incel trying this. "Hey, your smile is almost as rare as my social skills." Smooth, buddy. Real smooth. It's like they took a crash course in romance from Dr. Seuss. "Green Eggs and No Dates."
Anyway, let's just hope these guys figure it out eventually. Until then, I'll be over here, taking relationship advice from someone who's actually in a relationship.
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Hey, everybody! So, I was browsing the internet the other day and stumbled upon this group called "incels." Now, for those of you who don't know, "incels" stands for involuntary celibates. Yeah, they've got a fancy term for it. It's like they're in a celibacy club, and the first rule is you don't get laid. I was reading their forums, and they're giving each other love advice. Love advice from incels! It's like getting cooking tips from someone who can't boil water. "Hey man, to win her heart, just be yourself." Dude, if being yourself worked, we wouldn't be having this conversation! It's like asking a broke friend for financial advice. "Just save more money!" Oh, why didn't I think of that?
And they use all these acronyms like SMV, which apparently stands for Sexual Market Value. It's like they're playing the stock market, but instead of buying low and selling high, they're just not buying at all. "Invest in yourself," they say. Well, if I could trade in my awkwardness for bitcoin, I'd be a billionaire.
I thought I'd try one of their tips just for fun. So, I walked up to a girl and said, "Hey, my SMV is through the roof!" She looked at me like I was an alien. I guess my SMV needs a reality check.
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Who's into online dating? Yeah? Well, I decided to give it a shot, and I realized something. Dating apps are like a buffet for incels. You've got all these options laid out in front of you, and yet, some people are just staring at the empty plate. Incels complain about being forever alone, but have they tried swiping right instead of writing essays on why they're undateable? I mean, come on! There's a guy on there, probably typing, "My hobbies include breathing and existing." No wonder he's not getting any matches!
And then there's the profile pictures. Some guys look like they just got out of bed and decided, "Yeah, this is the one that's gonna get me a date." You know what would be a great profile picture? One with good lighting, where you don't look like you're auditioning for The Walking Dead.
I can imagine their bios: "Looking for someone to love me as much as I love my anime body pillow." Good luck with that, buddy.
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You ever notice the incel fashion sense? It's like they raided the clearance rack at a thrift store and said, "This is my style!" Baggy pants, oversized shirts – it's the fashion show no one asked for. I saw one guy wearing a fedora, thinking it's the key to unlocking the mysteries of the friend zone. Dude, the only thing that hat is unlocking is the door to no dates. It's like they took fashion advice from a 1920s gangster.
And then there's the grooming situation. It's like they're allergic to razors. "Yeah, I'm growing a beard to look more rugged." No, you just look like you're auditioning for a role in Grizzly Adams: The College Years.
I tried giving one of them a makeover once. Gave him a nice haircut, some decent clothes. He looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I don't recognize the person staring back at me." Yeah, because the person staring back isn't wearing a fedora!
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