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You ever think about how different our lives would be if we communicated through hieroglyphs instead of emojis? I mean, imagine texting someone, and instead of sending a simple thumbs-up emoji, you have to send a tiny picture of a hand giving a thumbs up, a loaf of bread, and a sun. What does that even mean? "Good bread day in the sunshine," I guess? And forget about expressing complex emotions. Trying to convey "I'm sorry" in hieroglyphs is like drawing an epic saga on a post-it note. "I'm sorry" should not require a storyboard!
I can see it now, dating profiles with hieroglyphic bios. "I enjoy long walks by the river (picture of a river), pizza (picture of a pizza), and existential crises at 3 am (picture of a person pulling their hair out)." Swipe left or right? I'm so confused!
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I recently applied for a job, and they asked me to submit my resume in hieroglyphs. I thought it was a joke, but nope, they were serious. I spent hours trying to figure out how to represent "proficient in Microsoft Excel" with ancient symbols. Spoiler alert: there's no hieroglyph for pivot tables! And the interview was even worse. They asked me questions, and I responded with hieroglyphic interpretations. "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I drew a picture of a person holding a telescope looking at the horizon. I hope they got the message that I'm aiming for a promotion.
I didn't get the job, but I did get a call from the local museum. They want to display my hieroglyphic job application as a modern art exhibit.
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Tattoos are all the rage, right? But imagine if we got tattoos of hieroglyphs. You think your Chinese symbol tattoo was a risky move? Try getting a hieroglyph that means "strength" but could also be interpreted as "I love marshmallows" if you squint your eyes just right. And what if you regret your hieroglyphic tattoo? Good luck explaining to your grandkids why you have a picture of a cat, an owl, and a pyramid on your forearm. "Well, kids, it seemed like a great idea at the time. I thought it meant 'wisdom,' but now I'm not so sure."
I can see the tattoo artist now, saying, "Are you sure you want 'eternal love' in hieroglyphs? Last week, someone thought they were getting 'peace,' and it turned out to be 'extra spicy.'
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You know, I was thinking about hieroglyphs the other day. I mean, who looked at a wall and thought, "You know what would be a great way to communicate? Let's use pictures that look like they're having a secret society meeting!" I mean, decoding hieroglyphs is like trying to decipher your doctor's handwriting on a prescription. I bet even ancient Egyptians had the original version of autocorrect. And what's with those ancient Egyptians anyway? They had all these majestic tombs and pyramids, but I can imagine them sitting around a hieroglyphic conference table going, "Alright, guys, let's make the future archaeologists scratch their heads for millennia!"
I tried drawing my grocery list in hieroglyphs once. My wife was not impressed. She looked at it and said, "Are we buying a cow and sacrificing it in aisle three?
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