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The only thing worse than getting a "hey guess what" text is sending one and then realizing you have absolutely nothing interesting to follow it up with. It's like starting a firework show and then realizing you only brought sparklers.
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Hey guess what" is the text equivalent of a clickbait headline. You open it, hoping for some juicy gossip, but instead, it's just your friend informing you that they successfully parallel parked. Riveting stuff.
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Hey guess what" is the text version of a drumroll, but instead of building anticipation for something grand, it's building up to the revelation that your friend finally learned how to tie their shoes. I mean, come on, I was expecting fireworks, not a tutorial on basic life skills.
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Hey guess what" is the adult version of that kid in class who raises their hand and says, "I have a secret, but I'm not telling anyone." Just spill the beans already! We're not in middle school, and I've got things to do.
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You ever get a "hey guess what" text and immediately regret every life decision that led you to this moment? It's like signing up for a surprise party, but the surprise is that you're now responsible for planning the next one.
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Hey guess what" is the modern-day version of the carrier pigeon. Instead of delivering important messages, it brings you updates on the most mundane aspects of someone else's day. Next time, just send an email.
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Getting a "hey guess what" text is like playing Russian roulette with your attention span. Will it be something mildly interesting, or will it be a three-paragraph saga about someone's pet goldfish learning a new trick? The suspense is killing me, and not in a good way.
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You ever get that text from someone that just says, "hey guess what"? And you're sitting there thinking, "Oh great, now I'm stuck in a suspense thriller, starring me, trying to figure out what on earth they're about to drop on me. Spoiler alert: it's usually something like 'I ate the last slice of pizza.'
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Hey guess what" is like the opening line of a conversation that's about as thrilling as watching paint dry. It's like, why not just cut to the chase and tell me what's up? "Hey guess what" should come with a warning sign: "Prepare for a mediocre story ahead.
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You ever notice that "hey guess what" is like the prelude to the world's least exciting game show? You're the contestant, and the prize is finding out which mundane thing happened to someone else. "Congratulations! You've won the thrilling revelation that Karen bought a new toaster!
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