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Hans recently discovered the joy of cooking. Now, this is a guy who used to burn water, so you can imagine my surprise. He invited me over for dinner, and I was a little skeptical. But, to my amazement, he served a dish that looked like it came straight out of a Michelin-starred restaurant. I asked him for the recipe, and he goes, "It's a family secret." I later found out the secret was a takeout menu hidden in his kitchen trash. Well played, Hans, well played.
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Hans recently got a new smartphone, and he's acting like he's the next Steve Jobs. He's all, "I've got the latest tech, the fastest processor, the best camera," you name it. So I asked him, "Hans, can it cook me breakfast?" He looks at me dead serious and says, "Not yet, but I'm working on an app for that." I'm thinking, "Great, I'll have a phone that can make me eggs, but can it find my lost socks, Hans?
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Hans decided to join a gym because he heard it's the key to a healthy life. Now, I don't know if you've seen Hans lately, but he's treating the gym like a buffet – he goes in, grazes a bit, and leaves. I asked him about his workout routine, and he says, "I do cardio." I said, "That's great, Hans! What kind of cardio?" He leans in and whispers, "I walk from the parking lot to the gym entrance." Hans, buddy, that's not cardio; that's commuting!
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You know, I've got this friend named Hans. Hans is the kind of guy who has it all figured out in life, or so he thinks. But there's one thing that baffles him to no end – the mystery of lost socks. You ever notice how socks seem to disappear in the laundry? I mean, it's like they enter a black hole or take a secret vacation to sock paradise. I asked Hans about it, and he's convinced there's a sock conspiracy going on. He's out there accusing the dryer of being a sock thief. I told him, "Hans, it's not the dryer; it's sock Narnia!
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