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Hans is the king of random facts. He hits me with, "Did you know a group of flamingos is called a 'flamboyance'?" Thanks, Hans, now I have a fun fact to share at parties while everyone wonders why you're not there.
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Hans is a master at avoiding phone calls. I called him, and he texted back saying, "Sorry, I'm in a tunnel." Dude, you're sitting on your couch watching Netflix. Tunnels don't have Wi-Fi.
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Hans is always late, but he's got the best excuse. He tells me, "I was on my way, but then I saw a butterfly, and you know how mesmerizing butterflies can be." Hans, it's a traffic light, not a butterfly exhibit!
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Hans is on a health kick, and he's all about organic food. He says, "I only eat things that nature intended." I'm like, "Nature intended for us to cook our food, Hans. That raw broccoli doesn't count as a meal!
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You ever notice how Hans tries to impress people with his cooking skills? He invited me over for dinner, and he proudly serves spaghetti. But here's the catch – he calls it "deconstructed pasta." Hans, it's just a mess on a plate.
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Hans is the only person I know who can lose an argument with a vending machine. He puts in the money, presses the button, and when the bag of chips gets stuck, he just walks away defeated. I'm like, "Hans, it's just a snack, not a philosophical debate!
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Hans is convinced he has a sixth sense. He says, "I can predict the future." I'm like, "Really? What's going to happen tomorrow?" He says, "I don't know, I haven't predicted it yet." Well played, Hans.
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Hans is all about self-improvement. He bought a self-help book on time management. The irony? He spent three hours reading it and forgot to pick up his kids from school.
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You ever notice how Hans is like a human GPS? I asked him for directions, and he starts with, "Take the first left, then the second right, cross the bridge, and you'll find yourself in Narnia." Thanks, Hans, I just wanted to grab a coffee!
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