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You know, the other day my friend played this game with me. He goes, "Guess where!" And I'm like, "Uh, I don't know, the moon?" He's like, "No, silly, in the kitchen!" I'm thinking, if you wanted me in the kitchen, just say so! I don't need a scavenger hunt to find the refrigerator, I've been doing that my whole life. But he's persistent, you know, keeps playing this "Guess where" game. I'm starting to feel like a contestant on a game show. I'm waiting for him to pop out with confetti and a sign saying, "You've won the opportunity to do my dishes!" So, from now on, I'm just going to respond with, "Guess what? I don't care!
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I've decided to turn the tables on this "Guess where" game. Now, when someone asks me that, I respond with, "Guess who's lost?" Turnabout is fair play, right? It's fun watching their faces as they try to figure out if I'm lost or if they are. "Is this a trick question?" they ask. I'm like, "No, it's a guessing game, just like yours. The only difference is I'm not leading you on a wild goose chase. I'm just lost in life, not in the laundry room.
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Guess where" has become the bane of my existence. I've started to mess with people too. Someone asked me, "Guess where I found your keys?" I'm thinking, "If I knew where you found them, they wouldn't be lost!" But you have to play along, right? So I said, "In the couch cushions?" And they go, "No, in the laundry basket!" I'm like, "Oh yeah, that was my second guess, right after 'at the bottom of the ocean'!" Honestly, if my keys are having more adventures than me, I might need to rethink my life choices.
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Guess where" is like a weird geography lesson of everyday life. People are treating their houses like undiscovered territories. I'm waiting for someone to hand me a map with an "X" marks the spot saying, "Here be the remote control." But seriously, folks, if you want me to find something, just tell me where it is. I'm not an adventurer; I'm just trying to get through the day without losing my sanity. Let's save the treasure hunts for pirate movies and just be straightforward. "Guess where" should be reserved for games of hide and seek, not for finding my car keys.
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