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Joke Types
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Why did the greeting card break up with the envelope? It felt suffocated – too much pressure!
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What did the greeting card say to the stamp? 'Stick with me, and we'll go places!
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Why did the greeting card apply for a loan? It wanted to get a little more 'interest' in your life!
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Why don't greeting cards ever play hide and seek? They always get caught up in the fold!
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Why did the greeting card start a band? It wanted to send out some 'note'-worthy messages!
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What did one greeting card say to the other during a race? 'Envelope, please!
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I tried to make a greeting card for mathematicians. It was full of 'acute' angles and 'obtuse' humor – nobody understood it!
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Why did the greeting card apply for a job? It wanted to work in the 'card'-iovascular department!
The Card Rebellion
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You ever notice that greeting cards seem to have a secret alliance against us? They're like, Hey, don't write your own heartfelt message. We've got a pre-approved sentiment for that. Well, I say no more! From now on, I'm starting a rebellion. Blank cards only! If you can't come up with your own words, maybe you shouldn't be giving a card in the first place.
Greeting Cards Galore
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You ever notice how greeting cards are like the unsolicited opinions of the paper world? I mean, who needs a piece of folded cardboard telling you how to feel? Get well soon they say. Well, maybe I was feeling just fine until I read that one, now I'm paranoid I'm about to catch a cold from the card itself.
The Conspiracy of Rhymes
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Why do all the sympathy cards have to rhyme? I get it, poetic expression is beautiful, but when I'm mourning a loss, I don't need a greeting card turning it into a lyrical challenge. Sorry for your loss, like a ship without its mast, may memories of joy outlast the pain of the past. Just say you're sorry and move on, Hallmark, no need for the iambic pentameter.
The Card Intervention
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Greeting cards are like that friend who can't keep a secret. You tell them something personal, and suddenly it's printed on a card for the world to see. Congratulations on your recent colonoscopy! Thanks, but maybe I wanted to keep that milestone a bit more under wraps, you know?
Card Confusion in Aisle 7
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Have you ever stood in the greeting card aisle for so long that you forget why you're there? You start contemplating life's choices next to a rack of Get Well Soon cards, questioning whether you need one for your mental state. Then you snap out of it, thinking, Wait, who am I sending this card to again? It's the Bermuda Triangle of retail.
Cards for Every Occasion
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I found a greeting card the other day that said, Congratulations on Your New Refrigerator! I kid you not. Apparently, fridge ownership is a monumental life event now. I'm just waiting for the day they have a card that says, Sorry About Your Burnt Toast. Hallmark, if you're listening, I've got ideas for days!
Greeting Cards for Introverts
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I think there should be a whole line of greeting cards for introverts. You know, ones that say things like, Congratulations on making it out of bed today, you social butterfly! Or I'm sorry for your loss... of personal space at that crowded party. Let's cater to the unsung heroes of small talk, shall we?
Pop-Up Card Madness
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Why are pop-up cards a thing? Who thought it was a good idea to add a third dimension to an already confusing emotional exchange? I don't need a miniature paper Eiffel Tower jumping out at me when I'm trying to wish someone a happy anniversary. It's like, Surprise! You remembered to buy a card. Here's a tiny architectural wonder to celebrate!
Lost in Translation
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Have you ever tried to pick the perfect greeting card? It's like playing Russian roulette with sentiments. You find one that looks innocent enough, but then you open it, and suddenly it's a Shakespearean tragedy in a 5x7 card. Congratulations on your promotion. May your success shine brighter than the moon on a summer's night. Like, what? I just wanted to say good job, not summon the cosmic forces of achievement.
Emotionally Ambiguous Cards
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I found this greeting card the other day that had a picture of a sunset, a cat, and a cupcake on it. I was like, what occasion is this for? Is it a birthday card for a cat who loves cupcakes and sunsets? Is that a thing? I'm so confused. I decided to buy it just to keep people guessing. Happy Tuesday, enjoy the existential crisis!
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