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Have you ever tried to play a game of telephone with the grapevine? By the time the story comes back to you, it's like you went from buying a new car to joining the circus as a professional juggler.
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The grapevine is like the original social media. No hashtags, no filters, just pure unadulterated information. If only it came with a "mute" button for that one neighbor who can't stop talking about their cat's dietary habits.
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I've realized that the grapevine has a Ph.D. in exaggeration. You tell it you found a dollar on the street, and by the time it reaches the last person, you're the heir to a lost fortune discovered under a rainbow.
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You ever notice how the grapevine works faster than your Wi-Fi? I mean, I can't even get a text to send, but somehow Aunt Mildred knows I spilled coffee on my shirt before I even leave the café.
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I tried to outsmart the grapevine once. I whispered my secret to a houseplant, thinking it wouldn't talk. Little did I know, that fern was the town gossip's best friend. Next thing I know, my ficus is trending on the grapevine.
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The grapevine is so efficient; it's like a well-oiled rumor machine. I blinked, and suddenly, the entire neighborhood knew I switched from crunchy to smooth peanut butter. I mean, I thought that was a confidential life decision!
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Grapevines are like toddlers with secrets. You tell them something, and they can't keep it to themselves. Next thing you know, everyone's treating your weekend getaway plans like a classified government mission.
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The grapevine is so effective that if it was a superhero, it would be Captain Hears-A-Lot. I can see it now, wearing a cape made of tangled telephone cords, ready to swoop in and spread the word faster than a speeding rumor.
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Grapevines are like the town therapists. They know everybody's business, and you can't escape their judgmental tendrils. I'm just waiting for the day I see one in a tiny office charging $100 an hour for counseling.
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