19 Graduation Speeches Jokes

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Updated on: Jun 25 2024

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Why did the philosopher's graduation speech confuse everyone? Because it was full of deep thoughts!
Why did the art major's graduation speech leave everyone in stitches? Because it was a masterpiece!
Why did the history major's graduation speech have a plot twist? Because it was a chronological disorder!
Why did the biology major get a standing ovation at the graduation? Because he dissected the competition!
Why did the graduate bring a ladder to the graduation ceremony? Because he wanted to go to the next level!
Why did the scarecrow get an honorary degree at the graduation? Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why did the graduate never take a pencil to the graduation ceremony? Because he was afraid it would be pointless!
Why did the diploma go to therapy after the graduation? It had too many issues!
Why did the computer science major give the graduation speech? Because he wanted to address the bugs in the system!

Graduation Speeches: The Ultimate Insomnia Cure

You know, they say that listening to graduation speeches is a great way to battle insomnia. If you ever find yourself unable to sleep, just pop in a random graduation speech. I guarantee you'll be out like a light before they even get to the part about finding your passion.

Graduation Speeches: Where Procrastination Peaks

I've realized that the longer the graduation speech, the more likely it is that I'll be contemplating my life choices. It's like a procrastinator's paradise - the ultimate way to avoid responsibilities and existential crises.

Graduation Speeches and the Bermuda Triangle

Graduation speeches are like the Bermuda Triangle of motivation. You start off with high expectations, hoping to discover some profound life secret, and next thing you know, all your motivation mysteriously disappears.

Graduation Speeches: The Original Netflix Marathon

Graduation speeches are like binge-watching a series on Netflix. You start off excited, thinking it'll be a short and sweet experience, but by the time you're halfway through, you're questioning your life choices and wondering if you should have watched a documentary on penguins instead.

Graduation Speeches and the Great Pomp and Circumstance Conspiracy

You ever wonder why they play Pomp and Circumstance at graduations? I think it's a conspiracy by the music industry to make sure we associate the tune with endless speeches and folding uncomfortable robes. It's like musical conditioning for adulting.

Graduation Speeches and the Art of Diplomatic Nodding

There's a special skill you develop during graduation speeches – the art of the diplomatic nod. You nod like you're absorbing deep insights, but in reality, you're just hoping the speaker wraps it up before your neck muscles give out.

Graduation Speeches: Sponsored by Coffee and Patience

I'm convinced that graduation speeches should come with a disclaimer: Sponsored by Coffee and Patience. Because if you're going to survive one of those, you'll need both in copious amounts.

Graduation Speeches and the Art of Clapping

You ever notice how graduation speeches have this weird rhythm? It's like a secret code for when the audience should clap. I've been trying to crack that code for years, but I'm convinced it's just random applause generated by a malfunctioning robot.

Graduation Speeches: Where Anecdotes Go to Retire

You know you're in for a treat when a graduation speaker starts with, Let me share a little story from my life. It's like a retirement home for anecdotes - they're all gathered there, reminiscing about the good old days when they used to be relevant.

Graduation Speeches: The Marathon of Wisdom

Graduation speeches are like marathons of wisdom, but let's be honest, I'm more of a sprinter. I need my life advice in 30-second soundbites, not a two-hour lecture with a side of existential crisis.

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