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You ever try horseback riding and the instructor's like, "Giddy up," and you're sitting there, trying to channel your inner horse whisperer? You're like, "Okay, horse, listen to me carefully. Giddy. Up. That's it, move your hooves. No? Fine, how about 'Get a move on'? 'Speedy Gonzalez'? Anything?" And you know what's worse? When the horse doesn't budge, and you start questioning yourself. "Did I say it wrong? Did I forget the horse accent?" I mean, imagine if horses had accents! Southern drawl horses would probably respond better to "Y'all reckon?"
At this point, I'm thinking of attending a horse language class just to ace the "giddy up" proficiency test. "Congratulations, you're now certified to confuse horses in multiple dialects!
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Have you ever thought about how weird it is that "giddy up" is a thing we say to horses? Like, who came up with that? Who looked at a horse and thought, "You know what this majestic beast needs? A phrase that sounds like it should accompany a cowboy line dance!" And the funny part is, horses don't care about our language. They're probably thinking, "Giddy up? Why don't you just say 'go'? Or 'move it'? Or better yet, learn to trot like me!"
I think we should update horse commands for the 21st century. Imagine riding a horse and saying, "Hey, let's Netflix and trot. Swipe left for speed!" We might confuse the horse, but hey, at least it's an upgrade from "giddy up"!
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You know, I tried horseback riding recently. Big mistake! The instructor was like, "Giddy up!" and I thought, "Sure, I'll giddy up... if the horse doesn't decide to somersault and take me on a wild ride through the countryside!" I mean, "giddy up"? Is that even English? If my friend said that to me while we were walking, I'd think they lost their mind! But on a horse, suddenly it's the universal translation for "Go, horsey, go!"
And let's talk about horse logic for a second. You're on this massive creature, you're holding onto a bunch of straps and reins, and yet somehow, they're the boss. They're like, "I'm feeling a little hungry. Let's go to the left. Oh, there's a bush! Let's stop and have a snack!" It's like having a GPS with a mind of its own!
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I recently went horseback riding and the instructor was yelling, "Giddy up!" I panicked! I didn't know what that meant! Was it a demand? A motivational phrase? Should I pat the horse on the back and say, "You got this, buddy"? I'm not fluent in horse, okay? And it's not just the words, it's the energy behind them. "Giddy up" sounds so cheerful, but I swear, if you say it with the wrong tone, it's a threat! Like, "Giddy up, or else we're going to have a conversation about who's in charge here!"
Maybe we should have a handbook for horse phrases. Chapter 1: "Giddy up - The Multifaceted Meaning Behind Two Words That Make Horses Move and Humans Confused.
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