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Why did the funeral director get promoted? Because they knew how to urn it!
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Did you hear about the funeral home that started a dating service? They said, 'We'll help you find someone to rest in peace with!
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Did you hear about the funeral home that started doing drive-through viewings? Talk about a 'dead-end' service!
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How does a funeral director answer the phone? 'You're dead wrong if you think we're not busy!'
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Funeral homes are like the nightclubs for introverts - dim lighting, soft music, and absolutely no dancing.
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I asked the funeral director if they had a 'frequent mourner' discount. Apparently, that's not a thing. Missed opportunity, if you ask me!
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Funeral homes are the only places where people try to look good in front of a dead audience. 'Oh, you're still here? Let me fix my hair.'
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Funeral homes should have Yelp reviews. 'Five stars for ambiance, but the service was a bit stiff.'
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You know you're an adult when your idea of a wild Friday night is browsing through the latest funeral home brochures and comparing burial packages.
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I tried making small talk with the funeral director, asked if they ever have office parties. He said, 'Yeah, but they're always dead boring.'
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I went to a funeral home recently. The atmosphere was so dead, I thought I accidentally walked into a family reunion.
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I'm thinking of opening a funeral home themed restaurant. Call it 'Rest in Feast.' The tagline? 'Our food is to die for.'
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I overheard someone at the funeral home saying, 'This casket really suits Uncle Bob.' I couldn't help but wonder if Bob ever got a say in his eternal wardrobe.
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