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Remember that viral song, "What Does the Fox Say?" I mean, who came up with that? It's like they took a bunch of animal sounds, threw them in a blender, and out came this absurdity. I bet even the foxes were listening to it and thinking, "What the heck, guys? That's not us!" And then you try to sing along, but it's like speaking in tongues. You're there attempting to mimic these bizarre fox noises, and everyone around you is just staring like you've lost your mind. I tried singing it at karaoke once, and let me tell you, the room fell silent. It was like I unleashed the fox apocalypse.
But you've got to give credit to the marketing genius behind it. They turned nonsense into a global phenomenon. I'm waiting for the sequel, "What Does the Sloth Say?" Spoiler alert: probably nothing because sloths move at a glacial pace and have no time for catchy tunes.
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I was flipping through channels the other day, and I stumbled upon Fox News. Now, I don't want to get political, but watching Fox News is like going on a rollercoaster of emotions. One moment, you're laughing at the absurdity, and the next, you're questioning the fabric of reality. But here's the thing, they've got some catchy slogans. "Fair and Balanced." I don't know about you, but that sounds more like a yoga pose than a news network. Can you imagine a news anchor doing a "Fair and Balanced" pose before delivering the headlines?
And what's with the constant breaking news alerts? I feel like every five minutes, there's a breaking news update, and half the time, it's something like, "Breaking News: Water is Wet." I'm waiting for the day they interrupt a broadcast with, "Breaking News: Nothing to Report. Everything's Cool."
I tried watching Fox News once while trying to relax, you know, like Netflix and chill. Let me tell you, "Fox News and Chill" is not a thing. It's more like "Fox News and Develop an Existential Crisis." I ended up stress-eating a whole bag of chips just to cope with the breaking news onslaught.
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I recently rewatched "Fantastic Mr. Fox," that Wes Anderson film about a fox who's also a master thief. Now, I love the movie, but it got me thinking – does Mr. Fox pay taxes? I mean, he's stealing from farmers left and right, but is he contributing to society? Can you imagine Mr. Fox trying to do his taxes? He's there with a tiny calculator and a bunch of little receipts for stolen apples and stolen chickens. The IRS agent must be scratching their head, thinking, "Is this guy for real?"
And what about the deductions? Can Mr. Fox claim a home office deduction for his underground lair? Does he get a mileage deduction for all those tunnels he's digging? I can see it now – "Thief by night, tax expert by day."
But you know what they say, "The only two certainties in life are death and taxes." I wonder if Mr. Fox has an accountant who's also a master of evasion. "Your Honor, my client is a fox. He didn't know he had to pay taxes. He thought it was just another hen he could snatch.
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You ever notice how every neighborhood has that one guy who's convinced there's a fox living nearby? I mean, seriously, it's like they've got a sixth sense for foxy business. They're like the suburban wildlife detectives. I had this neighbor who would swear up and down that there was a fox roaming around our block. He'd be out there with a flashlight at night, peering into the bushes like he's on some secret mission. I'm thinking, "Dude, it's not a spy thriller; it's a fox hunt in the suburbs."
And the way people talk about it, you'd think it's some mythical creature. "Oh, I saw the fox last night!" It's like they spotted Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. I'm waiting for someone to start a Fox Watch program. "Have you seen this fox? If so, please report to the neighborhood watch hotline."
You know, maybe it's not a fox at all. Maybe it's just the neighbor's dog wearing a really convincing fox costume. I mean, if I were a dog, that's the kind of prank I'd pull. Just imagine a dog sitting there thinking, "Yeah, I fooled them again!
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