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I thought I was being smooth by offering to share an umbrella in the rain. Little did I know, my umbrella was more like a sunshade. I ended up getting soaked while trying to impress. Note to self: check the weather app, not just the pickup lines.
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Flirting is like playing chess. You make a move, they make a move, and sometimes you end up in a checkmate of awkwardness. 'Oh, you wanted to exchange numbers? I thought we were just exchanging glances.'
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Flirting during a pandemic is a challenge. I tried the six-feet-apart pickup line, but it just made me look like I was auditioning for a dance competition. 'Are you COVID? Because you take my breath away, and I need to maintain a safe distance.'
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I decided to try flirty wordplay. I told someone, 'Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te.' They replied, 'Are you made of boron, iodine, and neon? Because you're B-I-Ne, and I need some space.' Ouch, rejected with a chemical equation. That's a new low.
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Flirting in the digital age is tough. I sent a flirty text, and after three hours of no response, I started drafting my apology for being too forward. Turns out, they just left their phone in the other room. I call it 'text and regret.'
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Flirting is like a roller coaster. There are highs, lows, and sometimes you end up feeling queasy. I recently tried a pickup line at an amusement park: 'Are you a theme park? Because I want to spend the whole day with you.' They said, 'Sorry, I'm more of a Ferris wheel kind of person.' Well, I guess I got stuck in the friend zone's long queue.
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I attempted a pickup line at a coffee shop. I said, 'Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection.' They replied, 'No, my name is Emily. And my Wi-Fi's actually terrible here.' Well, that backfired. Maybe I should stick to decaf and avoid these Java mishaps.
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I attempted a flirty compliment at the bookstore. I said, 'Are you a book? Because every time I look at you, I get a great story.' They responded, 'Well, this book comes with a lot of footnotes and no pictures.' Touche, intellectual snobbery, my favorite.
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I attempted a flirty joke about being a standup comedian. I said, 'Are you a stage? Because I can't resist performing on you.' They responded, 'Well, I hope your punchlines are better than that one.' Note to self: self-deprecation isn't the best icebreaker.
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