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You ever notice how face tattoos have become the latest fashion trend? I mean, really, what happened to just getting a t-shirt with a cool design? Now people are like, "Nah, I want a permanent mural on my face." I'm over here contemplating if I should get extra cheese on my pizza, and they're like, "Give me the dragon on the left cheek." I went to a tattoo parlor the other day, and the guy asked me if I wanted a face tattoo. I said, "Sure, give me one that says 'I make questionable life choices.'" But seriously, face tattoos are a bold statement. It's like they're trying to tell the world, "I'm committed to looking tough, even if it means I can't get a regular job."
You know what would be the worst job if you have a face tattoo? A mime. I mean, what's he gonna pretend to be? A guy who thought it was a good idea to get 'YOLO' tattooed on his forehead?
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I heard getting a face tattoo is a transformative experience. It starts with, "I'm going to express my individuality," and ends with, "Why is no one hiring me?" It's like the hero's journey, but instead of defeating the dragon, you're trying to get a job at the local coffee shop. I saw this meme that said, "Getting a face tattoo is like buying a printer. It's cheap at first, but the ink costs will ruin you." And I thought, "Yeah, except when my printer acts up, I don't have to explain to my mom why I have a unicorn on my cheek.
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Have you ever played poker with someone with a face tattoo? Good luck reading their expressions. They could have a royal flush, and you wouldn't know because their poker face is permanently stuck on 'intense.' It's like, "Dude, relax, it's just a game. You don't need to look like you're about to start a face-off with Jason Statham." And what's with people getting words tattooed backward on their faces? Are they trying to create a secret language? "Hey, man, what does your tattoo say?" "I don't know; I can only read it in the mirror.
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Imagine going for a job interview with a face tattoo. It's like you're walking in saying, "I'm here for the accounting position, and yes, I'm also a fan of butterflies on my face." Employers must be thinking, "Is this an interview or an audition for Ink Master?" I saw this guy the other day with a face tattoo that said, "No Regrets." Really? No regrets? Buddy, you might regret that when you're trying to explain it to your grandkids. "Well, little Timmy, back in my day, we didn't have emojis, so I got a smiley face tattooed on my forehead.
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