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Why did the scarecrow become an excellent employer? Because he was outstanding in his field!
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Why did the employer bring a ladder to the job interview? Because they wanted to reach new heights in their career!
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Why did the employer bring a calendar to work? To remind them that it's time for a long weekend!
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Why did the employer bring a pencil to the meeting? To draw up some plans for success!
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Why did the employer become a chef? Because they knew how to spice up the workplace!
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Why did the employer bring a plant to the office? To promote growth and create a positive work environment!
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Why did the employer become a musician? Because they wanted to orchestrate success in the workplace!
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Why did the employer bring a map to the office? Because they wanted to navigate their way to success!
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Why did the employer bring a mirror to the meeting? To reflect on their leadership skills!
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Why did the employer become a gardener? Because they knew how to cultivate a blooming workplace!
Boss asked if I'm a team player. I said, 'Absolutely, as long as the team is playing solitaire and not bothering me.'
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Team player? Yeah, I'm a team player. I'm on Team Leave Me Alone and Let Me Finish This Project in Peace. We'll have matching jerseys and everything.
My employer believes in work-life balance. Translation: they want you to have a life, just make sure it's on a Saturday afternoon.
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Work-life balance, they preach. But it feels more like work-encroaching-on-every-facet-of-your-existence balance. Sure, I have a life—on my to-do list between 3 and 5 AM on a Sunday.
My employer said, 'We're like a family here.' Yeah, a family where I avoid eye contact and hope no one notices me sneaking out early.
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Oh yeah, we're a family, alright. A dysfunctional one where everyone avoids each other in the break room, and the only family gatherings are mandatory office parties.
My employer said we have a 'casual dress code.' I guess that explains why Steve from IT thinks pajamas are business casual.
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Casual dress code, they said. I didn't realize casual meant just rolled out of bed for Steve. I'm over here in a suit, and he's in flannel pajamas with little cartoon characters. Business on the top, party on the bottom.
My employer thinks we need more team-building activities. I suggested a group nap, but apparently, that's not a 'productive use of time.'
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Team-building activities, like trust falls and group exercises. I suggested a group nap, you know, build some camaraderie over a collective snooze. They didn't go for it, though. Apparently, productivity is more important than my quest for the perfect power nap.
My boss loves acronyms. I'm pretty sure he thinks he's running a secret spy agency, not a tech startup.
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I swear, my boss communicates in a secret code of acronyms. I feel like I need a decoder ring just to understand the company memo. ATTN: ASAP, RSVP to the DMV, FYI, LOL. What language is this?
My employer thinks open-plan offices promote collaboration. I think they're just trying to see how many introverts they can fit in a phone booth.
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Open-plan offices, you know, where the walls have ears, and apparently, so do your colleagues. It's like working in a zoo, but instead of observing animals, you're trying not to make eye contact with Karen from accounting.
Boss said, 'We're a flat organization.' Yeah, flat, like the tire on my career that's been stuck in the same position for years.
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Flat organization, they said. I didn't realize flat meant as flat as my chances of getting a promotion. It's so flat, I could use it as a pancake griddle.
I told my boss I need a raise. He said, 'You're lucky to have a job.' Yeah, lucky like a lottery ticket with all the numbers scratched off.
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Lucky to have a job? I feel luckier when the coffee machine works in the morning. But hey, at least my boss is a great motivational speaker. I'm motivated to update my resume.
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