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I love how employers use the term "team-building exercises" to make us feel like we're all in this together. Yeah, because nothing says camaraderie like struggling to build a makeshift bridge out of spaghetti and marshmallows. If that's not teamwork, I don't know what is.
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I love how companies celebrate birthdays in the office. They bring in a cake, everyone awkwardly sings, and then you go back to pretending you don't even know half of your colleagues' names. It's like a forced social interaction, brought to you by the HR department.
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You know you're an adult when the highlight of your week is looking forward to casual Friday at work. It's like the one day we get to rebel against the tyranny of business casual. Watch out world, here comes my slightly more relaxed khaki pants!
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My boss called me into his office today and said, "We need to talk." And I thought, "Great, just what I need, another meeting about having a meeting." I swear, if we had a meeting every time we had a meeting, we'd never get anything done!
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I recently discovered the secret to surviving long meetings – bring snacks. Nothing makes a three-hour budget review more tolerable than secretly munching on a bag of chips under the conference table. Just be discreet; you don't want to become the office snack smuggler.
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The company sent out an email about the importance of work-life balance, and I couldn't help but laugh. Work-life balance? That's like trying to find a unicorn in the breakroom. I think I saw one once, but it turned out to be just a really tired intern.
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Has anyone else noticed that the office thermostat is like a battleground? It's either a frozen tundra or the fiery pits of hell, and there's no in-between. I'm convinced the person in control of it is just sitting there with a wicked grin, enjoying our temperature-induced misery.
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You ever notice how office chairs have this magical ability to make time stand still? You sit down to check an email, and suddenly it's three hours later, your coffee is cold, and you're still contemplating whether you should reply with "best regards" or just "thanks.
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The office kitchen is a fascinating place. It's the only spot where you'll witness the evolution of someone's lunch from gourmet leftovers to a science experiment. You can practically hear the Tupperware whisper, "Release me from this refrigerator prison!
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