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You know, Edgar's got this unique approach to dieting. He said he's on a seafood-only diet. I was intrigued, so I asked, "Seafood-only? Really?" He said, "Yeah, whenever I see food, I eat it." Well, Edgar, that's one way to stay committed to a diet!
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I borrowed Edgar's car the other day, and it's like a time capsule in there. I found a cassette tape! I asked him, "Edgar, who still uses cassette tapes?" He said, "It's my 'retro' playlist." I didn't have the heart to tell him it's just an old mixtape from the '90s.
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Edgar and technology don't really get along. I asked him if he's on social media. He said, "Nah, I tried it once, but I got tired of people poking me. I'm not a human pincushion, you know?
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Edgar's got this habit of nodding off during movies. I asked him, "Why do you always fall asleep during the best parts?" He said, "I like to keep the element of surprise. If I don't see it, it's a plot twist.
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Edgar told me he's trying to be more environmentally friendly. So, he started recycling, but I think he's taking it a bit too literally. I walked into his place, and he had empty pizza boxes stacked up like a cardboard fortress. I said, "Edgar, are you saving these for a pizza box sculpture or something?" He goes, "Nah, man, I'm just waiting for the cardboard shortage to hit.
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Edgar's idea of multitasking is watching a cooking show while ordering takeout. He's there, mesmerized by the chef's skills, and then he picks up the phone and says, "Yeah, I'll take the chef's special. The one he's making on TV right now.
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Edgar decided to take up gardening recently. I visited his garden, and he proudly showed me his prized tomato plant. I said, "That's impressive, Edgar, but why is there a calendar next to it?" He goes, "Well, they say time heals all wounds, so I thought maybe time would help my tomatoes ripen faster.
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I told Edgar I was going to start a vegetable garden. He said, "Oh, that's great! What are you going to plant?" I said, "Well, probably some carrots, tomatoes, maybe some zucchinis." He goes, "Why bother? Just come over and pick from my tomato plant. It's on a strict schedule.
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You ever notice how Edgar always seems to have the perfect excuse for being late? I asked him once, "Why are you always late, Edgar?" He said, "I'm on Edgar time, man. It's a whole different time zone." I guess Edgar time is like a magical time zone where punctuality is just an illusion.
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