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You ever notice how the GPS always sounds so calm when you make a wrong turn? "In 500 feet, make a legal U-turn." Oh, thanks for being understanding, GPS. If I had a backseat driver like you, my life would be so much more zen.
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Have you ever tried to assemble IKEA furniture? It's like they're testing your relationship. "If you can survive putting together a MALM dresser without a fight, you're meant to be together!" Forget premarital counseling; just buy a bookshelf.
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You know you're an adult when going to bed becomes less about getting a good night's sleep and more about calculating how many hours of shut-eye you can squeeze in before the alarm goes off. It's like a nightly game of Sleep Tetris.
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The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they say, "Here's one I prepared earlier." Really? Because when I try that, it's more like, "Here's one I ordered earlier from the local pizza place.
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I love how my phone has a "low power" mode. Like, isn't that just the regular mode? We should have a "fully charged" mode instead. That would be revolutionary.
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Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are weak? It's like, "Come on, just a little more pressure, and maybe it'll summon the energy from the TV gods." Spoiler alert: It doesn't.
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You ever notice how the term "sleeping like a baby" is a total lie? I mean, babies wake up every two hours, crying for who knows what reason. If that's what it means to sleep like a baby, then I've been sleeping like a baby my whole life during exam week!
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Why is it that when you're waiting for someone, every minute feels like an eternity, but when you're running late, time moves at warp speed? It's like the universe has a sense of humor and enjoys messing with our schedules.
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Ever notice how elevators have that close button that's absolutely useless? You press it like you're summoning a magical door-closing fairy. The door still takes its sweet time, and you end up feeling like a button-pushing imbecile.
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