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So, the other day, I'm at the gym, trying to be all fitness-savvy and stuff. I'm lifting weights, and this guy walks up to me, points at my bicep, and goes, "Did it hurt?" Now, I'm thinking, "Dude, it's a gym. Everything hurts. That's the point!" But then it hit me – he was talking about my muscles. Apparently, he thought I pumped up my arms for fun. Like, every morning, I wake up and decide to inflate my biceps, just for the heck of it. I wanted to say, "Yeah, it hurt. I had to watch an entire season of a terrible reality show while doing bicep curls. That's true pain."
Maybe I should start telling people I have workout-induced PTSD. "Did it hurt?" Oh, you have no idea. I still have nightmares about protein shakes.
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You ever have one of those days where you're just pondering life's deepest questions? Like, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Because I'm pretty sure I tripped over the curb, not a celestial cloud. And then you start wondering about your existence. "Did it hurt when you were born?" Well, I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure my mom would say, "Yes, it did, and you've been causing me pain ever since."
So, the next time someone asks you, "Did it hurt?" just reply with, "Existence is a perpetual state of discomfort, my friend. But hey, we're all in this together, right? Now, who needs a group therapy session?
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You know, people often ask me, "Did it hurt?" And I'm like, "Did what hurt? Existence? Because, yeah, it's a constant struggle." But no, they're usually talking about tattoos. I recently got a tattoo, and the pain is no joke. The tattoo artist looked at me and said, "Did it hurt?" I wanted to reply, "Well, it felt like a tiny, angry cat scratching my skin while being operated on by a blindfolded surgeon." But, of course, I said, "Nah, I didn't feel a thing. I just enjoy the sensation of tiny needles dancing on my epidermis."
But seriously, why do we ask this question? It's like a universal icebreaker for people with ink. Next time someone asks you if it hurt, just say, "No, I have a superpower. I enjoy pain. In fact, I'm getting another tattoo right after this show, just for the thrill of it!
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Let's talk about dating, shall we? Because, apparently, "Did it hurt?" is the ultimate pick-up line. Someone actually used it on me at a bar, and I'm thinking, "Is this the best you've got? Are we in a cheesy romance novel?" But imagine if we used that line for everything in life. You're at a job interview, and the interviewer asks, "Did it hurt?" And you're like, "Well, the rejection emails hurt a bit, but I'm here, aren't I?"
Or you're at the dentist, and they ask, "Did it hurt?" "Yes, it did! You had sharp objects in my mouth while I was forced to listen to elevator music. Of course, it hurt!"
Maybe we should just embrace the awkwardness. When someone asks, "Did it hurt?" reply with, "Only when I realized you were hitting on me with a line from a 'Top 10 Worst Pickup Lines' list.
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