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Card dealers are the unsung heroes of family game night. They've seen more family drama unfold than a season finale of a soap opera. "I swear, if Aunt Karen plays that Draw Four card one more time, I'm disowning her.
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Dealers at car dealerships are like the overenthusiastic matchmakers of the automotive world. "Oh, you'll love this one! Great mileage, smooth ride, and it's got that new car smell that's scientifically proven to boost your confidence.
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You know you're an adult when the only dealer you visit regularly is the one who deals cards at the poker table. I used to have a guy who dealt with student loans, but I traded him for a deck of cards and a dream.
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I was at a card game last night, and the dealer had the audacity to shuffle the cards like he was auditioning for a role in a Hollywood action movie. Dude, we're playing Uno, not preparing for a magic trick on America's Got Talent.
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Car dealerships are the only places where they make you test drive a vehicle, and you're expected not to test the horn. I want a horn that says, "Excuse me, my friend, but your blinker has been on for the last five miles.
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Have you ever noticed that the guy dealing the cards at a casino has this uncanny ability to make you feel like you're about to rob a bank, even if you're just playing Go Fish? It's all in the poker face, I guess.
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I asked my friend where he got his new car, and he said, "Oh, I have a guy." A guy? I didn't know cars came with connections. I want a car with a dealer who throws in free oil changes and maybe a lifetime supply of air fresheners.
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Car dealerships have this ritual where they leave you alone for a few minutes to discuss the deal with your partner. It's like a timeout in negotiations. "Honey, if we don't get the heated seats, is it really worth driving home?
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I went to buy a deck of cards the other day, and the cashier asked if I wanted a receipt. I said, "Nah, I trust the dealer; if I get a joker, I'll know.
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